Dear Fresh Fruits and Vegetables

Dear Fresh Fruits and Vegetables,

Wow. Sometimes, you are just so necessary. I may not have believed that as a small child, but I definitely understand that now. The CRAVING I get for you sometimes, and just how great it feels to have you after that - that's what it's all about.

This past week wasn't the best one for me, diet-wise. I had a lot of long days at work, and when that happens, I usually eat A LOT of whatever is in the staff fridge (leftovers from the kids' lunches). This week, what was in the fridge was a gigantic bowl full of burrito fillings: chicken, beans, cheese. Of course, there were no tortillas left over, so I just filled up smaller bowls of this stuff, threw in some sour cream, and ate it with a fork. Doing that one time is fine. Doing that multiple days in a row isn't the best thing for your gut.

But that wasn't all. Because, on two of those nights, I ended up meeting up with friends straight after work, and they wanted to get food both times. So one night I had sushi (which was actually quite wonderful* but wholly unnecessary on a full stomach) followed by gelatto, and the other I had Thai food (some spicy curry and Pad Kee Mao). Again - both on full stomachs (full of beans and meat). So let's just say that my stomach has been a-grumblin' a lot this week.

And so, to top it all off last night, I barbecued with Matt. A dinner of steak, chicken drummettes, red pepper absolutely WALLOWING in vinegar and oil, and asparagus. Yes - the asparagus falls into your category (and it made my pee smell funny), but it just wasn't enough. My colon has been absolutely DEPRESSED, and I think it was affecting my brain, as well.

So finally - tonight I loaded up on you. A big-ass salad with all sorts of ruffage-tastic foods mixed in. For a snack tonight (instead of the Pop Tarts I've been sprinkling in at night as my dessert) I got me some grapes. And I have to say - it feels REALLY good. I feel like a new man.

I'm seriously looking forward to tomorrow morning when I get to live the FULL benefits of your addition to my life.

So - again - thank you. You can most definitely be magical (and a life-saver).

On a quick side-note (speaking of asparagus got me thinking about this) - can you imagine how popular a food-item that changed the color of your pee would be with children (or 26 year-old males)? My boss from the VA Hospital told me that there was some medication that had a side-effect of turning your urine bright blue - how cool would THAT be? If you were trying to encourage people to drink more fluids, I think different-colored pee would be a definite incentive. And if you could change that up and have various other colors? Holy CRAP. If there's somebody out there that wants to get in on this with me, let's do it.

I also think a line of different-colored Two Thousand Flushes Blue (or green, or red, or whatever) tablets to go with it would be a perfect match. Encourage your children to aim better by telling them that their blue pee with the red toilet water should make purple if they're doing their job. Imagine all the possibilities: party themes, skills contests, you name it.

I think it's time I start experimenting with different chemicals and supplements . . .

Anyway - think about that, Fresh Fruits and Vegetables. But even if that particular dream can't come true, you know I'll always come back to you in the end (because my colon wouldn't allow anything else).

Relieved,
CVT

*For more details about the joys of eating sushi, see "Dear Raw Fish"