Dear Tostitos Scoops

Dear Tostitos Scoops,

So I had you for the first time today, and I have to admit, I was kind of blown away. I had always avoided you under the assumption that you were just a cheap gimmick to sell inferior chips, but - holy crap - I was wrong.

I walked into my staff meeting today and sat down, looking at the empty table in front of me and wondering if there was going to be any good food to eat. I have this problem where, every day immediately after the kids are gone, my body realizes how much energy I have expended, and I get EXTREMELY hungry. Now, I'm a pissy low-blood-sugar type of guy, so it's very important that I take care of my hunger when I get to that point because there is no f-ing way I'm going to participate in a meeting when I'm in that state.

Luckily, I was soon appeased by a procession of lovely snacks: grapes, jalapeno-cheese tortilla chips, oranges, bean dip (with tomato, onion, and sour cream), and you. I immediately went for the grapes, a bowl of dip, and the OTHER chips, because - you know - they were better.

And they were pretty damn good. But the thing is this: for a desperately hungry man like myself presented with such a spread, there's only one sure-fire way to satiate my mighty hunger, and that's large quantities of dip. But it's not so easy to scoop up a lot of dip with your normal run-of-the-mill tortilla chip (especially since they inevitably get crushed into tiny pieces, which causes you to grab a pile of scraps to dip as if they were a whole); and soon I got desperate.

I was confronted with two options: be the disgusting eater that I truly am at heart and just start using a spoon on the dip, OR try the Tostitos Scoops. After pondering the former, I went with the latter.

And I guess you know the ending to this story - it was ever-so-happy. I mean, honestly, what can be better than an edible, crunchy spoonful of dip? Nothing. And that's what you amount to, my dear Tostitos Scoops. Not nothing (forgive my poor syntax), but an edible, crunchy spoon.

I was able to get huge mouthfuls of dip without use of utensil or getting my fingers dirty - it was fantastic. I don't work for Tostitos, and I don't mean to, but I highly recommend you, my new friend.

To the future,
CVT

P.S. Speaking of jobs, here's a quick follow-up to a previous letter:

So, taking into account the comment from the King that I received to my "Dear Nap" letter, I mentioned to my student the job of chicken asshole remover, trying to really describe all the disgusting aspects of said job. Without missing a beat, or showing any surprise, he told me he would DEFINITELY take that job over teaching middle school. "In fact," he told me, "I would EAT chicken assholes and figure out what the chicken had had for lunch before teaching middle school."

So now you know the kind of teacher I am, and how lowly my job is.