Dear CPR Training

Dear CPR Training,

This is going to be a pretty short letter because you fried my brain this afternoon. However, I felt the need to write you because the whole experience was so upsetting.

This afternoon, after school, we had a full-staff you for FOUR HOURS. Now, I'm not a big fan of any training to begin with, and doing it after a full day of work is a terrible idea no matter what the situation, but you were absolutely terrible. It's not that I didn't learn anything (although, maybe I didn't) - it's just that you were so unnecessarily long.

You see, I work with a bunch of youth workers. Since that's our job (and has been for most of us for quite some time), every single person in that you had taken you MANY times in the past. However, some foolio decided that it was necessary to renew CPR certification EVERY YEAR - no matter what your experience level. Now, I could handle that if there was a way to do an easy re-certification test or a mini training each year, but that is not the case. Oh no - instead, to get my CPR certification renewed, I had to do the SAME you that I did last year, and the year before that, and the five years prior to that. FOUR HOURS' WORTH.

And that's the thing. The initial training shouldn't even take four hours - but a refresher course for a bunch of people who have already done you in the past? Ridiculous. Their new angle is to constantly remind us how it's "not rocket science" and it's so easy. For four hours. Four hours of telling us not to worry about the little details, but to stick to the major points, so we don't freak out and not do it at all. They tell us that. And then tell us that. And then tell us that. And then go on to cover every little tiny detail that they just told us to ignore in the first half-hour.

And then comes the part where they teach us how to use an AED (Automatic-Emergency-Defribillation device). Basically, it's a portable defribillator for people that have suffered a heart attack. So what do you need to know to use one? Nothing. Literally - nothing; it TALKS to you. It tells you what to do, step by step. And the steps? Basically - put the pad on. Keep clear. Push the button. Keep clear. That's it.

No - seriously - that's it. Everything else is automatically taken care of. And the trainer's advice was: "listen to the directions. Even somebody who has never been trained can easily use one." So how long did that segment take us?

Oh, come on - guess.

ONE HOUR. ONE HOUR to remind us to "listen to directions" and not to freak out because training is not necessary to use one. The guy trained me for an hour to remember in a crisis situation that I don't need training to use the machine. I kid you not (and I exaggerate not). I almost threw a chair.

I can't believe how absolutely ridiculous and frustrating you were, CPR Training. Honestly. They basically pay people to fill four hours trying to justify their jobs as CPR trainers when I could just as effectively re-train somebody else (in terms of useful knowledge in an emergency) in about half an hour. If they have questions I can't answer? Try the f-ing internet.

And for those folks out there that have never had the pleasure of going through you - congratulations. It's enough to make a man rethink a career in youth work.

Or at least drive him to throwing chairs (like the students he teaches). I suppose that's the one thing I really did learn today - I'm not so different from my kids as I think.

Not so different, indeed.

Prepared,
CVT