Dear Right Knee

Dear Right Knee,

I am so sorry. I was going to write a letter asking you "not to do this to me," but I have since realized that I did this to YOU. I mean, you never even got a chance to choose whether or not you were going to play football tonight - I just selfishly steamed ahead as if your only importance is to give ME stability and enable me to be so good at sports.

And this is even after our last episode when I tore your PCL. You tried to warn me with pain on two separate occasions to just lay off and let that slightly-torn PCL heal, but I wouldn't listen. No - I just kept playing until we had fully ruptured that little guy and we were f-ed. And then you still treated me so good as to come through physical therapy at 100% after that - giving me the ability to play football again, and be just as good as I had been before. And then I go and do this.

Granted, there was likely no way for me to avoid it (outside of just not playing ever again, which I wouldn't be able to keep from doing and still be happy). It was just total dumb luck. I made a great leaping catch (I was even a little impressed with myself on that one), landed and looked to juke and get free just as some guy rolled into the side of my knee. And that was that. No audible POP this time, but I know what major you damage feels like now, and that's what it feels like.

And then I followed my dad's advice and did some little tests, and although I'm not a licensed medical professional, I can pretty safely say that you did not pass. ACL tear it most likely is. The best part is that I won't be able to know for sure for quite some time because orthopedic doctors are notoriously difficult to pin down - especially with good old Kaiser. The positive: at least I have health insurance. I have most definitely learned the value and importance of health insurance. Thank you so much for teaching that to me, Right Knee.

And so here we are. I should be elevating you right now (I hope that ice helps a bit), but I needed to write my blog. Even world-shattering knee injuries won't keep me from continuing on.

Karma has been having its way with me these last couple weeks. Making fun of my friend Gate because he goes running all the time, making jokes about how "I'm going to go running, too" when we both know that I hate running (and any exercise without competition or a game involved) with all my heart. And now I'm back to it. Me and individual exercises (not for many months, of course) as I get to rehab all over again. Hooray.

I was just thinking the other day how exciting it would be to get to work at camp and be fully able to play Capture the Flag for the first year (out of three). Broken ankle two summers ago. Torn PCL last summer. And an ACL this one. Couldn't it at least happen in the winter time when I don't want to leave the f-ing house, anyway? Winters hit me so hard here, and yet I'm not even allowed to enjoy a single summer with full physical capabilities!!! Makes me think I should probably just get the hell out of here - I hate the winters, and the summers are bad luck. What can I say?

Time to get me a badass wheelchair and go play "Murderball."

Anyway. I just thought I should apologize with the fullness of my heart, Right Knee. You will never understand how much I really appreciate all the things you've done for me and allowed me to do in our time together - and THIS is how I repay you. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you . . .

I'm sorry,
CVT