Dear Irony

Dear Irony,

Hey man. How's it going? You got put in my mind today, so I thought I'd write you.

On my way home from school every afternoon, I pass two large billboards on the side of the road. For the last month or so, both of those billboards were "Gambling Awareness" type ads, where they showed the face of some kind of cracked-out average-Joes (I actually knew one of the models, oddly enough) with various messages about gambling addiction and a phone number to get help.

Today, however, I noticed that those billboards had been changed over.

To Oregon Lottery "Scratchers" ads. Seems like you thought you'd get up to a few of your tricks, or my name isn't Count von Triloquism (in blog land). The best part is that both of those sets of billboards were paid for by the State government. Quite confusing, really. Which is it going to be? Should I call for help or indulge?

Anyway, I found that mildly amusing, so I figured that would be a good blog topic for today. Of course, now that I've told that story, I have nothing to follow that up with. Which is odd, really, because I feel like I constantly run into similar examples of pretty solid you in this world. Especially as a classroom teacher, where the kids just set themselves up all the time.

Hmmm . . . the other day, when one of the kids was sent home he told the teacher who had sent him (while flustered and angry) "I'm going to poop in the hall." That's not ironic, of course, but it WAS pretty funny. Because he didn't do it. I don't think it would have been so funny if he HAD done it.

The OTHER other day, I ate a piece of cake using only a plastic knife because there was no other cutlery. Again, not ironic, but I was pretty proud of myself, and if you can't share your proudest moments on a blog, where can you share them?

Why have you forsaken me and my blog, Irony? Why, when I need you most, are you totally out of sight and mind? Is that a form of you - that the one time I actually need a collection of instances of you to refer to, I have none? Not really. It's like that f-ing Alanis Morissette song where she lists off a bunch of situations that actually aren't really ironic at all - just crappy. This is like the blog version of that song. Oy.

It's like a guy trying to improve his social skills by reading an internet forum on said topic. This is just sad. My blog is an f-ing DISASTER today.

And I even had a PEPSI IN A GLASS BOTTLE!!!! today. Shouldn't that have made my blog better? Is that a form of you that I had a PEPSI IN A GLASS BOTTLE and still produced a poor thank-you letter?

You have many question, Mr. Sparkle.

Right. I guess I'll just end it here, defeated and alone. Thanks A LOT, Irony.

Broken, but not Shattered,
CVT