Dear 100

Dear 100,

It is my you-th blog entry. Finally. I was sitting here trying to think of what I was going to write about (at the top of my list was "Dear Blisters") when I realized that this would be my you-th entry. Not my you-th LETTER, mind you, but my you-th ENTRY. Which is still something to celebrate.

Who would have ever thought I'd make it this far? The odds were stacked against me. I started this little blog as a man with a plan but very little motivation or initiative. I had become used to coming up with ideas like this, starting them, and then quickly losing interest and letting them fall to the wayside. That is exactly what I expected from this blog. Especially because we all know full well that nobody reads this thing (or at least nobody ever comments on it, so it's LIKE nobody reads it), and why would I write for nobody?

But the thing is . . . I did. I stuck with it. I became inspired and moderately productive. I even started posting pictures of the drawings I was doing in my figure-drawing sessions. This little bloggy became a tour-de-force of artistic mayhem! I wrote nearly every single day for months. I laughed. I got hyper. I didn't cry, but that's only because I stopped writing during those times when I wanted to. And now here we are - entry you. Monumental, really.

Especially because all momentum (and my readership) was lost when I went away to camp. I had figured that I'd write a couple entries for those two readers while away and reach this landmark occasion sometime in the middle of the month away - but it was not to be. I was too distracted making explosion sounds with my mouth in front of a quality mic. Too fascinated by facepaint and glow sticks.

Which led me to believe that I would probably just stop doing this. I'm a very momentum-based man, and I have a tendency to let it carry me where it will. That means that it's very difficult for me to get started on things (and also difficult for me to stop once I get into it). So once I stop doing something regularly, it usually follows that I just stop doing it entirely. But I persevered.

And I hope that this signifies a change for me. While I have yet to go back to a figure drawing session since I've been back, I have gotten back into my Chinese lessons, and I continue to be relatively productive (even though I started up with the kiddies this week). Has the CVT turned over a new leaf? Only time will decide.

But as we wait for said time to pass, we must celebrate my you-th post. It's like an anniversary of sorts, albeit not celebrating a year of anything, nor any sort of measurable time-frame. So I guess it's not really like an anniversary at all - except for the fact that I'm celebrating it. But I don't really celebrate any other anniversaries, so it's not like that, either.

But it IS my you-th post, 100. My you-th post, indeed.

So thank you, you, for allowing me to reach your special double-zeroed heights, and here's to hoping I double you within the next four to five months. What a party we shall throw then, eh?

Eh.

Onward and upward!
CVT

Dear Indoors

Dear Indoors,

I've been trying to figure something out these last few days. How come I get so ridiculously tired from working here at school, and I never got half as bad while working at camp?

At surface level, it seems like a strange phenomenon:

While I was working at camp - for a full month with very few days off - I was expending a lot of crazy energy, yelling a lot, and doing all of that for a good 12 hours each day (while sleeping much less - and worse - than I normally do back in the real world). I was working with mostly middle school-aged children (as well as a set of older high schoolers). A lot of the new staff was relatively weak, so I was a bit frustrated and doing extra work to compensate. I got tired. But never so tired that I couldn't just keep on going (being crazy AND positive - which is quite a feat).

This first week of school, on the other hand, has been relatively easy (on paper). Only three hours of kids a day, no real classes, and a strong support staff, so no slack has to be picked up. And yet, I become totally exhausted each day at about 4pm, to the point where I struggle to carry on a basic conversation.

So why is that? What makes the difference?

At first, I thought it might just be a "positive energy" thing. Although I hardly go with most new-agey concepts such as that, it seemed possible. Camp is much more a "fun" experience, and mostly positive. It's an escape for kids that need to get away from their homes. It's an escape for me, as well. School, on the other hand, is school. No matter how much the kids appreciate it or like the staff, they're always going to have some pretty negative thoughts and feelings about it.

Could be. But I don't think so. Want to know the big difference? It's you vs. outdoors, Indoors. That's right. At school, I spend my whole day inside, while the sun does its happy little thing right outside my door. At camp, it's almost constant exposure to the sunlight, fresh (albeit dusty) air, and the wind on my face. There is no wind you. None.

And I think that's all it is. It's part of why the wintertime kicks my ass so hard. I am not meant to spend so much time you. Sunlight makes me happy and gives me energy, and flourescent lights drain me of my will. And that's it. That's the explanation.

Which is why I am cutting a gigantic hole in my ceiling. It's a little awkward, because there's a whole other floor above me that will need to be removed, but it will be for the best, in the long run. We don't want me to be tired, right? And so we have to make the you feel like the outdoors. Hence - no ceiling.

Logistically, that might be a bit awkward in the winter, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Until then, just know that I'm getting too tired to write a decent blog.

And I'm rusty.

Fixing a hole,
CVT

Dear Rhyme

Dear Rhyme,

So my blog is back online
And although it took some time
To get back into this, that's fine with me
Because I've been quite busy
Working at camp and getting creative in different ways
Like writing some ridiculous songs and getting crazy
A lot of face paint and glow sticks
And showing restraint by not throwing fits
When the new staff working with our kids
Didn't know what "doing their job" really is
I spent a lot of that time making up for their mistakes
In spite of the fact that just a little effort is all it takes
For me to not hate you
But sometimes I do
Especially when you screw me over
By not doing what you're supposed to

But I digress, because that's not the purpose of me writing
The whole point of this is that I haven't been hiding
I've been working away from regular technological access
So keeping up on my blog would have been illogical excess
For it would have been such extra work on my part
Keeping me from being able to work so hard
As I did at camp - and then I would have been just like those others I complained about earlier.

Also surlier than I already was because I'd have been so tired
I already wasn't sleeping, but I can only be so wired
From that crazy camp-vibe that keeps me going full-tilt for a month with no rest
So the extra worry of doing this little blog would have kept me from being my best
And we can't have that, can we?

No. We can't.

So it took me a while to finally write again
With the kids and me back at school doing Orientation
Getting back into the swing of things, my summer vacation gone
It went by like nothing, while also feeling like a refreshingly long
Time away from school worries
And I'm in no hurry to get it going full-speed, but I'm not dreading it
I think this year will be even smoother, with less bullshit
And less bullshit is good.

So sorry to you few loyal readers who got bored during my absence
I intend to get back on it and fully reward your patience
By writing some kick-ass shit.

Yay-er,
CVT