Dear Natural Sunlight

Dear Natural Sunlight,

Okay. So I've been hyping up this Light Therapy Lamp a whole lot. A LOT. And I really think it has made a noticeable difference during this first month of the dark season here in Portland. I have more energy, overall. I'm more positive and cheery. It's made a difference, for sure. But you know what I discovered in the last 36 hours? It ain't got NOTHING on the real thing, baby. Nothing.

Nope - you, Natural Sunlight, are so much mightier. You, Natural Sunlight, bring me untold joy that my lamp can never hope to replace. You, Natural Sunlight, are God's kiss on the forehead of a blind man who didn't realize he could not see until God kissed his forehead and returned his vision. Yeah - that good.

So how do I know this? Well, you came out for the first time - for real, at least - in close to a month yesterday. And yesterday was the first time in quite a while that I didn't use my Light Therapy Lamp. Why? Not because I suspected that I was going to see some you, but because I had the first of two football games starting at 9am in the morning (on a weekend), and I didn't want to wake up an extra half-hour early to bathe in artificial light. I figured the day's athletic endeavours (after close to three weeks without) would make up for it.

And the football felt great. REAL good. I had been eagerly anticipating my game(s) for weeks now, and it was everything I hoped. It felt so good to be running around, competing, and challenging myself physically. And the kicker? Towards the end of the first game, you came out from behind the clouds.

And this was no average winter-you that peeks out from the clouds in a hazy wash. Oh no. THIS was the you that I only really expect from Spring or Summer. It was WARM. And bright. And oh-so-cheering. Sure, we got beaten in the second game by a crappy team that we should have handled easily, but I didn't care. No way. I was playing football under the amazing rays of you beaming down from the sky. To feel warmth on my face caused by ANY sort of light was a miracle. For it to be you . . . Heaven.

But it didn't end there. It stayed more or less delightful for a chunk of the day and then went away. And I thought that was it. But then today happened.

I walked out of school to supervise the kids on buswalk, and I felt warm. Uncomfortably so in my short-sleeve shirt and long pants. I didn't know what to do. How could this be? What could make the outdoors warm enough for me to feel the desire to take off my shoes and let my feet BREATHE? What could keep me from thinking about how I had left my sweatshirt inside while I waited half an hour for a late bus with the children? I looked up - and it was YOU. And again - the glorious you of other months. The you that I had thought I had bid farewell many weeks ago.

And I loved it. I bathed in you. I was actually HAPPY that the bus came so late because it gave me extra time to soak in your seemingly-undiluted-rays. I smiled. I looked up in wonder. And I felt SO GOOD.

And then I walked back in the building and proceeded to get no work done at all as I just happily ate and chatted with some visiting high schoolers (graduates from the middle school last year who just can't stay away) while they carved pumpkins with another teacher. And I didn't want it to end. I stayed at school longer than I normally would because I was just so damn chatty and energized. When I kept trying to go back to my room to get some work done, I'd get distracted and then find myself wandering back into the cafeteria to hang out some more. I never ended up doing anything work-related at all. And I don't care. Because you made me feel so good.

So then I left school with Gate (who is my co-worker these days), and we just sat outside and enjoyed the remnant warmth as you faded away. And the whole time my leg was bouncing, and all I could do was think of various "master plans" that would be funny to do and ridiculously crazy. So much so that I couldn't stop even when he probably didn't want to hear it, anymore.

And I'm STILL there. I still feel all excited and chatty and energized. Normally, this is when I start thinking about bedtime, but right now, I'm just typing away, wanting to share every little moment with my Loyal Reader, even though - deep down - I know he doesn't particularly want to hear it. But again, I don't care, because I feel GOOD.

And I owe it all to you, Natural Sunlight. YOU have made me feel this way. You must have tired of hearing "Light Therapy Light - this" and "Light Therapy Light - that" when you knew the truth all along - it's not even CLOSE to you. And I appreciate you coming along to lay the smack down and reclaim your rightful throne forevermore.

Does that mean that Light Therapy Lamp isn't great? Hell no. Without my Light Therapy Lamp, Winter would kick my a-- all over again. Without my Light Therapy Lamp, my kids would hear me get all tired, stressed, and/or frustrated from time to time. So I am NOT saying that my Light Therapy Lamp is anything but great.

But I AM saying that you are so many steps above. And that I love you. And I always will. And no artificial light will EVER stand between us. It will only keep me pushing on until we can be together again.

So - until that day comes - thank you, Natural Light, for kissing me on the forehead these last two days.

Truly SEEING Again,
CVT