Dear Leaving Work in the Dark

Dear Leaving Work in the Dark,

I left work a little later than I usually do. We had a staff meeting, so I wasn't able to get out as early as I sometimes can. At the same time, I didn't get out all that late. But it didn't matter, because I still ended up you, Leaving Work in the Dark. 5:15pm, and I walk out that front door into a darkening sky. And all I could think to myself was, "It's not as late as it looks." Or feels.

Because that's the terrible thing about you. It feels SO late, and suddenly my mind and body are tricked into thinking that I really left work extra late, and that I will have no personal unwind time before it's time to go to bed. Which, of course, is not true at all, but it FEELS that way. And when something FEELS a certain way, it's really hard not to follow through on the feeling and just make that happen. Because, in reality, I have a number of hours to do whatever I want before going to bed tonight (in spite of how early I tend to go to bed). But the darkness that surrounded me as I headed home put me a mind-set where all I wanted to do was get home, watch a little football, and go to sleep.

It combats all of my productive instincts. I have a song to record (the one I wrote while at that "Proficiency Training"). I have some new books to read. I have a hobby I want to pursue and get better at (looking into learning about studio recording and what I need and need to do to set up a higher-quality home studio). I have a blog to enter.

But my mind tells me that all these things should be pushed to the background because it seems so late. My mind tells me I need to start calming myself down because bed time is coming soon. My mind tells me that I just can't possibly have the energy or time to put into these pursuits (at least not enough to do any of it justice). So my mind tells me to just shut down and begin my Winter hibernation.

But - aha! - not so fast! Because I have a new weapon against such thoughts: full-spectrum light. I now sit in full-spectrum glory as I write this letter. I bathed in intense, full-spectrum wonder for thirty minutes this morning with my Light Therapy Lamp. Every time I go to the bathroom, full-spectrum light ruffles my hair. And so the simple act of you is no longer enough to knock me down. It is no longer enough to convince me to just lay down and watch my productivity wash away. Oh no! You will no longer have the hold on me that it once did.

Because I fully intend to record some music after I finish writing this. I fully intend to continue writing away as you happens even when I leave at my normal time. That full-spectrum light has given me just enough extra energy to have just enough extra motivation to go ahead and DO something in spite of you, Leaving Work in the Dark. And because of that, you no longer hold the negative power over me that you once did. I don't fear you.

Sure, I don't like you, either. But I can also respect you now. I know that you now will enable me to play in the light until late during the summer. I can appreciate the way the city and car lights play off the rain and roads as I head home. I can see various outdoor, lit-up decorations and smile that little smile I used to have when it was nearing Christmas as a child (or Channukah, depending on the angle I wish to take).

So, I suppose I thank you, Leaving Work in the Dark, for the appreciation you give me of all the light and sunlit work-leavings in store for me in the future. You can actually work in reverse and cheer me up when I realize that I actually have a few hours of play time in spite of the darkness outside my window. So we're cool. Things have changed. I'm no longer going to be rude to you and have a problem. We can move on and even try to be friends. That probably won't happen, but the fact that I'm even saying it shows how far we've come.

You keep doing your thing, and I'll keep doing mine, and all will be good.

Charging in the Light,
CVT