Too Many Cooks (cont.)

So that meeting got me so riled up, I had to actually go and RECORD my song. So - after a couple hours of playing around, I have my first "New Studio" recording. Again - realize this is without much (if any) editing or perfection applied. Not bad . . .

http://download.yousendit.com/5D69CA2828EC78AD

See the previous letter for lyrics.

Rocking Out,
CVT

Dear Too Many Cooks

Dear Too Many Cooks,

I had a "professional development" today. A half-day of teaching, and then FOUR f-ing hours of "professional development" that ended up being (mostly) just every single person getting to have a say and put in their two cents about crap that just doesn't matter. It took away my will to do anything at all (while also taking up planning time AND time to call the parents of my kids and DO MY JOB). And I've got to say it - you, Too Many Cooks, were what drove me nuts. I hate these kinds of things no matter what, but nothing makes me more frustrated and angry than when you are allowed into the kitchen, and I waste my time listening to everybody have to say something.

I had a moment when I smiled - because I had just envisioned throwing my glass bottle across the room to watch it smash against the wall.

There's not too much more to say here. Again - to try to make something productive out of this complete waste of time and robbery of life, I wrote some lyrics (this one seems more "poem-y" than others). In reading this, please realize it was done off-the-cuff with no editing and the distraction of idiots having their say and keeping me from being able to fully concentrate. The song is called, of course, You.

"Let's have a meeting and invite EVERYONE to say their piece
Because it's only frustrated rage that keeps me from falling asleep
If four more freaking people want to add the word "possible" to a phrase
I won't be bored at all - because I'll shoot myself in the face
And wouldn't THAT be exciting? Watching everyone respond
As everyone called a DIFFERENT ambulance and let the debate rage on
All offering their advice for the best way to clear my remains:
'I'd use Tilex for his blood' - 'No, bleach is best for stains'
'Brains should be wiped clockwise' - 'But you have to soak them first!'
All arguing the stupid details while the stench continued to get worse
Because the rotting cadaver on the floor would be the least important mess
When so many people are offering opinions - getting irrelevant complaints from off their chests

So I look around with pleading eyes, hoping SOMEBODY will scream 'STOP!!!'
But my flights of hopeful fancy prove totally for naught
Every time a hand goes up, I can't prevent my eyes from rolling back
I just can't stand the madness - lack of patience is making me crack
I imagine flipping every table as I run screaming through the room
But not even THAT could end the monotony of this repetitive, discordant tune
Called 'You (Too Many Cooks) in the Kitchen' - too much crap is in the pot
That the soup has turned to compost, and the side-dish has turned to sod

And so I have a request - that we all don't get to have a say
Just TELL me how it will be, and let me get on with my f-ing day
And if people are invested in changing every word
Then please arrange a SEPARATE meeting, so they can feel like their voices are being heard."

THE END

Gritty Feeling from the Nasty Broth,
CVT

Dear Snow Delay

Dear Snow Delay,

I will take what I can get. It wasn't what I hoped, but I will take what I can get. And what is it that I can get? It's a you, Snow Delay.

The weather-people here in Portland had been forecasting snow and ice for this weekend. They said a big storm front was coming through and that we would be getting many inches of snow. My football games yesterday were put on "weather alert" - to be possibly cancelled if the weather was too extreme. We made an announcement to our kids on Friday about the procedure for school cancellations and delays due to inclement weather. And then the weekend came.

And the temperatures went UP. The clouds rolled in and - as often occurs when clouds cover Portland - it got a little warmer and the rains fell. RAIN. Not snow. RAIN. As was obviously going to happen after all the big-deal-making about the possible "snow watch" upcoming. And then, yesterday, it cleared up and stayed (relatively) warm. I saw sunshine all over the place. And so I figured - as somebody who has gone through this process before - that it was all for naught, and there was no snow or cancellations or delays forthcoming.

But when I woke up this morning, I still ran to the front door to look for snow. And when I saw a little bit of it (and calling it any more than "a little bit" would be vast exaggeration), I went to the internet to see if there was even the slight chance of a cancellation. And there was none. But there WAS a you, Snow Delay. There WAS a you.

So what does that mean? I could have gone back to bed for another hour. I could have slept a little bit longer and then just headed my a-- to school like usual. But I was already awake. I had gone to bed really early last night to make sure I got plenty of sleep, so that wasn't exactly an issue. So I stayed out of bed.

So all it really means for me today is that I have an hour less school to do. Which isn't huge, but I suppose it's better than nothing. It allows me to actually write a letter NOW (before school) without fretting about getting out of the house. Just giving me a nice, leisurely morning routine before I go to work. And I don't think I'm going to go to work much later than I normally would, anyway. But - with that extra time - I shall be productive. Because I am a lot more focused in the mornings. In the afternoons (when I usually do my planning), I'm all mind-tired from a day of teaching, and I just want to talk to people and play or eat instead of doing my work. So I usually waste a good hour that I could use to do work - every single day.

So today I'm going to use that hour in the morning, instead. And it won't be wasted. Oh, no. Since nobody else will be in to work that early - as they'll be going for Option A (of more sleep), I will have no distractions, and I can get my work done. If I am particularly productive, I can even knock out my planning for most of the week, allowing me to leave earlier every other day. And that, my dear friend Snow Delay, makes you a pretty great thing. Sure - I would love to have the whole day off, but you will actually make the REST of my week a little easier than if I had today off. Because if I just didn't go in AT ALL today (and played, instead), there would be no extra planning done. In fact, I would have lost this afternoon's planning, which would have put me slightly BEHIND.

So - from a work standpoint (which I shall seldom take, but I will in this particular case) - you are actually BETTER than a cancellation. And for that, Snow Delay, I appreciate you. And I certainly won't ever take you for granted (at least not while I live here in Portland, where you happen so seldom). I'm not going to be wishing that there had been more snow and the whole day had been cancelled. No - not me. I shall just appreciate the extra time you have brought me, and the extra ease you have inserted into my school week. Thank you, Snow Day. Thank you.

About to Take My Time in Dressing,
CVT

Dear Stuffed-Up

Dear Stuffed-Up,

I'm sick right now. Have been all week. And it doesn't really seem to be getting any better. And I just wanted to write you today to respectfully ask you to move on and just leave me be. If you aren't sure WHY I would ask that, Stuffed-Up, then I shall give you a few reasons.

First of all, being you pretty much sucks. It's that annoying kind of sucking that isn't enough to make a REALLY big deal about, but that can slowly drive a man (or woman) crazy. I can pretty much do all the things I normally do while you, but just a little bit worse. The sickness that comes with you makes me have less energy. Being you keeps me from breathing as well. I get dried up (in the mouthal area, mostly). I have to make snorting sounds as I constantly suck the snot back into my nasal cavity to prevent it from falling to the ground. Being you makes it much more difficult to sleep at night, as I wake up regularly trying to breathe. I can't sleep on my stomach when I'm you, because then I can't breathe at all. I probably snore. Being you sucks.

Right now, my lips are all chapped-up because I'm breathing through my mouth all the time, and that dries my sh-- out. If I wasn't you, that wouldn't be a problem.

Wow. I actually just sneezed as I finished that last sentence because being you made it happen. I've been sneezing a lot recently. Although, sneezing more isn't exactly a bad thing because it feels so good to actually do, even if it is a bit annoying. So I'll call that one a wash and move on.

Being you makes my voice all weird and prevents me from being able to record lyrics on my amazing new microphone because it sounds weird AND I can't breathe through my nose while lyricizing, so it's punctuated by huge audible breaths as I run out. And that's incredibly frustrating because all I WANT to do is play with my new toys all day long, but since I can't get the right sound from it as something worth KEEPING as a recording, it just isn't as satisfying as it should be.

Along with that, the sickness that comes with being you - or causes me to be you - takes away JUST enough energy and mental faculties to make the rest of the music-creation process less enjoyable. I have been playing with my new electric guitar as well as my new mic, and it is freaking awesome. However, my usual penchant for multi-hour play-time has been crushed under the heel of my sickness. This is because I just don't have the right energy-level to get truly inspired and stay in the creation "zone" as I play. My mind is too fuzzy to write quality lyrics. And so I just find myself giving up in the middle - something I would never do if I wasn't sick and you.

And the worst part is that I just don't think I'm getting any better. I seem to be just as bad (or worse) than I was at the beginning of the week. Four days later, being you and groggy persists, and there seems to be no end in sight. And that's frustrating. Because I just don't feel like going another full week of ass-dragging at work and at home. I want to be able to have energy at the end of a school day again. I want to be able to run home and make hours of quality music without a pause. And I can't do any of those things while I'm sick and you.

And so I ask that you move along, Stuffed-Up. I know why I'm you. I do. It's not exactly your fault. It's the sickness' fault. You're just trying to protect my nasal passages and get rid of bad germs and what-not. You are actually trying to help me get better. I get it. But COME ON! Enough already. Clearly, being you hasn't cured anything at all yet - so either get on with your job and make something happen here, or just leave me alone. It's your choice, I know, but I am begging you to leave me alone (or help the sickness leave, so you don't have to be doing your thing). Okay?

Please.

Eyes Getting Watery Pre-Sneeze,
CVT

*Incidentally, one cool thing came from being you. My co-worker, Andrea, told me about a home remedy she knew to help clear up the nasal passage when going to bed. She told me to soak my feet in warm water while soaking a pair of cotton socks in cold water. Then I rung out the cotton socks and put them on my feet (out of the warm water). Then I put dry wool socks over everything and went to bed. Sounds absolutely crazy and totally counter-intuitive, but it worked like an f-ing CHARM. My nasal passage my have never been clearer than Thursday night when I tried this out. And this showed how desperate I am that I would try something as - seemingly - nuts as this. But it really worked. Amazing.

Dear What I Really Think

Dear What I Really Think,

Before I even start writing this letter to you, What I Really Think, I just want to warn you that it's not going to be particularly funny. Yeah sure, I'm a hilarious guy, so some of it might be accidentally hilarious - I just can't help it sometimes - but that won't be the over-arching theme of this letter. Just wanted to give you a heads-up on that one, What I Really Think. Although you should have probably already known that. And are probably pretty used to non-hilariousness.

Right. In my letters, I don't really censor myself (outside of keeping my language mostly clean). I choose something to write to, and then I let it know exactly you about it. I'll rip on it a little bit, or shamelessly worship it, and then thank it for some sort of life lesson at the end. That's how it usually goes. And it's all pretty much you about the whole matter. No making things up here. I'm not so into that.

However, in CHOOSING the concept or thing to write my letters to, I DO end up holding back a bit. I'm not really going to choose to write a letter to something that I get particularly angry about (in a real way). Or sad about. Or other such strong emotions. Why is that?

Well, first and foremost - I have a Readership to entertain. If I was to tell them you about every major issue in the world, I would likely lose them quite quickly. Because it's great to have strong feelings about things, but it's quite another thing altogether to make other people share in those strong feelings on a regular basis. I have seen far too many blogs in which the blog-runner writes all sorts of heart-felt, emotional tirades about injustice and world issues and the like - only for me to stop reading about halfway because I get tired of it. There's a REASON most people only have a few close friends with whom they share their intimate secrets - because only a few people really want to hear it. And I'd even argue that maybe even less than that (most times).

Second, most of that sort of writing ends up coming off as whiny, melodramatic, and/or pretentious when spit profusely on a regular basis. None of us listen to the "God Guy" who yells at people in public parks about how they're going to Hell. I, for one, think it's likely true for most of them, but I STILL ignore him. And that's because nobody really wants to listen to a man (or woman) on a soapbox for more than about five minutes uninterrupted. People are made to enjoy frivolous pursuits that keep our minds OFF all those serious issues out there, so the last thing we want to do with our free time is get reminded of it all. Too much of that kind of writing starts to feel like reading somebody's diary, and that just feels creepy and a little bit sad.

Third, it's not much of a writing challenge. It's easy to spit emotions into a vat and call it "writing." Anybody can write "Dear World Hunger" and come off feeling like a Poet Laureate because nobody is going to dare critique that with anything but an over-arching, "That's deep." Or - even worse - "I KNOW, Man!!! That just SUCKS!!!" It's more difficult to try to write something entertaining on a lighter level while still giving a little bit of insight into you, What I Really Think. Deep writing - if done right - is meant more for lyrics and novels, in my opinion.

Fourth, I don't feel up to it. Most of my Readership knows me. And therefore most know that I don't particularly like to share the innermost workings of the CVT on a large-scale level with people that matter. I want to say it face-to-face, so I can read the reaction in somebody's face. If I'm going to say something about you on a serious level, I am not about to give the person I'm sharing that with an opportunity to ignore it and pretend that it didn't happen. I'm obnoxious like that. If I'm going to spit fire, I want to be able to see the look on the face of the person I singed.

And finally - because it's scary to share you with people whose opinions that matter because they might not like it. And that is sucky.

So why did I feel the need to address you in this letter, What I Really Think? Because I've been distracted from writing letters recently because I've been busy doing other things in which I share you. Writing music. Having conversations with people. Doing my job and planning for it. And it seemed odd that that should keep me from writing in this. That it should make it hard for me to come up with a "good" addressee for my letters. Because it would seem natural that I should just write to whichever concept was occupying my mind at the time. But when that concept had something to do with you, What I Really Think, I would balk.

Odd, and yet not odd at all (due to the previously-stated five reasons). And writing this letter isn't going to really change all that. Just thought it was a good idea to address it. And that's you about that.

All that said, I still thank you, What I Really Think, for all the creative inspiration you give me and all the great conversations I've been having lately. It's been grand.

Really Thinking About Eating Some Dried Mango Slices,
CVT

Dear Dropping Money Like It's Hot

Dear Dropping Money Like It's Hot,

Yesterday I was you all day, Dropping Money Like It's Hot. And I'm not quite through yet. And it was kind of liberating and fun, in a way, so I felt like I should write you a letter of appreciation in response. And here it is.

So why was I you all day? Good question. The answer: I finally decided to just pull the trigger and make my upgraded recording studio dream come true. And so it began. I started out with a trip over to see a man (Dylan, if you know him) about an audio interface, and I ended it buying MIDI cords and a mic cable on my way to meet a friend (Gate, if you know him) at a bar last night. But that is just the beginning of the story.

This is what I've learned in the past months while researching digital recording equipment: I don't know anything, AND it costs tons of money to do well. And that's what kept me waiting. With all the money that was necessary to be dropped on a quality mic, a decent audio interface, better software, mic stands, new instruments, etc., I was understandably anxious about pulling the trigger. With so many options out there - what if I got the wrong thing? What if I threw down all this money and ended up regretting it? That would be terrible.

Because anybody that knows me at all knows that I am a relative cheap-a%%. I don't spend money on anything (except shoelaces, of course). I have the social tendencies of a 50 year-old married guy with kids still in the house (without the legitimate excuses). I (currently) don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I don't "date," so I am not paying for fancy excursions with ladies. I don't dress particularly well (although I'm a bit better now). I only eat out with friends, and I only have four of those. And so I just don't spend money. And the more I don't spend money, usually, the more painful it is for me to spend large sums of it at once.

And yet, sometimes, I find myself you, Dropping Money Like It's Hot. Because there are those times when I realize that - BECAUSE of my lack of social tendencies of my age-group - I can afford to splurge every once-in-a-while. While my peers are dropping $50 a weekend on smokes and alcohol (to be conservative), I'm complaining about the smoky bar and drinking a glass of lemonade. Do the math: over the course of one year of having anti-social tendencies, I save a bare MINIMUM of $2600 over my peers. That's A LOT of money. And realizing that is what makes me capable of you.

So I finally decided to do just that yesterday. I finally checked out Dylan's audio interface and determined that it will work with my laptop. And with that piece in place, the rain came showering down on me. Because, if I am to truly appreciate the loveliness of said audio interface, I need things to plug into it. And it all starts with a quality microphone. I am tired of my vocals not matching up to the background music and ruining everything, and so I ordered a good microphone. Then I went ahead and bought an electric guitar - because distorting a mic'd acoustic just isn't going to cut it, anymore. And those purchases necessitated other follow-up purchases . . . Until I ended up you all day long.

And once the dam has burst, there's no stopping it. Sure, it hurt me intensely to spend the first $100 so quickly. But after I put that down, it was easy to justify further money-dropping: "$6 for two-day delivery? Why not?" "For how much I just spent on that mic, I better get a decent mic stand for it." "I save $100 on that guitar, so what's the big deal if I spend an extra $20 on some software?" It goes on and on. And on.

But it's falling into place. By the middle of next week, I should have my next-level recording capabilities in place, and I'm sure the results will be shared. I am excited. And anxious. And a few hundred dollars lighter.

But I know it was worth it. I do. I am going to get so much more out of that money spent than those social peers of mine and their next two months of bar-hopping. I will. And you felt pretty good while I was doing it, Dropping Money Like It's Hot. It was nice to have a near-"Money is not object" moment or two. I wouldn't mind doing it again sometime. Maybe I'll order up a really good software instruments package . . .

And so I thank you, Dropping Money Like It's Hot, for not only giving me a glimpse of another world, but for the exciting recording capabilities you will have brought me by the middle of next week. And after a year or two, when I get better at what I'm doing, I'm sure we'll meet again when I have to go up another level (and THAT'S going to cost some REAL money). Until then.

Thinking About a Glorious New Keyboard,
CVT

Dear Conspiracy Theory

Dear Conspiracy Theory,

In the last two days, I have had a little taste of what plants the seed of a you, Conspiracy Theory, and I felt the need to share it with the world (or at least the MORE than 5 visitors I have coming to this site).

It all starts with this question: how did I know that MORE than 5 visitors come to this site?

Mwahahahahaha!!!!!

Was that cackling premature? Probably. Because anybody who has noticed my little "hit counter" at the bottom of my home page wouldn't be too shocked by that (although they would probably be shocked by the over 50 hits I got the last two days). So that's not really enough to spark a good you. How about this question: how do I know that my original Loyal Reader (the King himself) checked this site yesterday at EXACTLY 6:48PM and 34 seconds? -cue the cackle-

Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Now, as a proper appreciator (real word or not, I like it) of a good you, I am sorely tempted to just leave it at that. Say a couple new, unrelated things about my day with no explanation whatsoever. I could very well just start writing about the fact that I finished grading today (we end the term tomorrow), and it felt really good. I could also go into detail about the fact that I have realized that writing out comments for my grades (for EVERY kid for EVERY class) makes me feel almost exactly the same way as I do when I am running. I could just write about that.

Or I could say that "Glotto" must have woken up REALLY early this morning to have passed through this website at exactly 05:49AM and 32 seconds.

Mwahahahahaha!!!!

Or that "Gannoni" should have been working harder at 10:00AM and 31 seconds yesterday instead of checking up to see if I had put up a new post.

Mwahahaha!!!

Ha!

Mwa!

Haha!!!

Ha.

I could say all of these things and really build up the suspense and anticipation. I could continue to do so by writing about how I could do these things as I am in the actual process of doing them. I could keep my readership in absolute thrall by not saying a word and allowing them to postulate all sorts of fabulous new yous in the "Comments" section until they went crazy.

I could. Or I could share the visitations of Petunia, such as one that came at 11:52AM and 47 seconds yesterday.

But I am not that kind of guy. I don't want people to freak out. I don't want to share all sorts of semi-personal information with just anybody that feels like going through the trouble of reading a little bit. I don't want just ANYBODY who has a computer and a web connection to be able to know those things. Of course, it looks like none of us really have that option.

Why? Is it because I went ahead and wrote it, anyway? Actually - it isn't. No, the reason is a lot scarier than me just being an a-hole. No, the reason is because I put a special code into my site that sends information to another website that then tabulates full statistics on all the various visitations to my blog. The intentions seem innocent enough - if I want to try to make any money off this, it's good to know who is checking it out and why. It also just satisfies some curiosity. But the implications are pure evil.

Because it should scare all my readers that it is this easy to have this information. That if I feel like it - I can just go ahead and figure out EXACTLY when they checked my site. I feel dirty just having that capability (and I am seriously thinking about ending it). Think about it for a second. Is anybody really so naive as to think that I'm the only website that does that? The real question is: how many sites do NOT have those capabilities? I could very well have just not said anything at all, and nobody would have been the wiser, and I have this sneaking sensation that that thought didn't occur to only me.

Now that we're at this point, let's take it to the next step - that of you, Conspiracy Theory. If I can do this (for free, no less), what in the name of you is the GOVERNMENT capable of? All these laptops and desktops that come equipped with webcams and what-not - would it really be so hard to tap into them and be filming my Readers AT THIS VERY MOMENT? I don't really know, but now that I know what I do know about tracking website "hits," it suddenly doesn't seem all that difficult.

And that's a very scary notion. It takes the whole concept of "privacy" and flips it on its ear. How many Readers did I possibly lose by letting them know that I can know when they log on? How many will check MUCH less often out of a creepy feeling of "being watched" every time they do so? I don't know. It's enough to make me think about getting rid of it. Very seriously. It kind of makes me feel like a voyeuristic pervert, actually.

And that's just when the power is in my wonderful hands. Imagine if the forces of EVIL had a hold of it. Now realize that they probably DO. In this world of increasing Wi-Fi and BlueTooth and cellular capabilities, what is there to keep any evil hacker with a computer from knowing somebody's life? Can people figure out all the calls somebody has made through their Iphone? Can they track people every time they play their PSP? Is the government doing that right now? Am I going to mysteriously die of "natural causes" tomorrow for sharing this new you with the blog-reading world?

So many possible "yes"s. Makes me more than a little glad that I was so Actually Productive recently. Although maybe the government will punish me by erasing all of my letters and music files remotely upon my death.

Scary.

And I think I'm just going to leave it at that. There is no positive spin to this one, only a dire warning: beware of the internet. BEWARE!!!!

Finishing This Post at 7:48PM and 23 seconds,
CVT

*Incidentally, people from Singapore, Portugal, and Sweden have checked this site in the last 24 hours.

Dear Actually Productive

Dear Actually Productive,

Hey Actually Productive, how's it going? It's been good being you recently, and I just wanted to write a letter to you to thank you for all you've brought me (as well as using you to explain my follow-up to "Dear Blog Fatigue" with no new letters). So I'll just get into it.

Oftentimes, I find myself writing a letter in this blog to make myself feel like I'm accomplishing something. I find myself thinking about how I haven't written in a long time, and I should get on that. I think about my Reader(s) and all that, too. But the main reason I write is because I have found that - in my personal life - if I don't feel like I'm "accomplishing something," I don't feel so hot. I feel a little bit worthless. Lazy. I feel like I'm "wasting my time." I don't enjoy straight leisure time as much as I should. And so I get myself onto the computer to type up a little letter, so I can write it down on my "Use of Life" calendar and think - "See, I DID do something this week."

Of course, that's not exactly the best reason to be writing. And when that's the case, my letter usually ends up being of a lower quality than on those days when I feel like I have something good to share with the world, or have some particular abstract concept or thing to appreciate. All that being the case, I find myself writing a lot less when I have other things going on - things that make me feel like I'm engaging in being you, Actually Productive.

Now I know that's not exactly proper grammar (I'm not sure if it's actually "splitting an infinitive," but it's something close), but it's the best I can do. You get the point, anyway. The point being that being you keeps me from feeling the need to make nonsense for the sake of nonsense. It lets me only turn to my blogging ways for the purpose of being you. And that's nice. Maybe not so much for my Loyal Reader(s), but it is nice for me.

So what kind of things do I count as you, Actually Productive? Good question. Recently, it's been a lot of writing and making music. There's just something about creating something TANGIBLE (like a song on a cd or a painting or drawing) that just always trumps anything I can write and post to a website. I can physically HAND somebody a cd. They can listen to it over and over without it losing its luster. Same thing with a painting or other visual art. That doesn't really apply to a letter to an inanimate object or concept. And so I'd rather be you than just write letters on this blog.

Not to say that I don't get anything from writing these letters. There is plenty of satisfaction writing something that I know three other people are going to read. I mean, it's such an honour. Not to mention the cumulative effect of all this writing - it's REALLY satisfying to know that I have over 160 letters to different concepts or objects on file on some website server somewhere. How many other people can say the same thing? Even those thousand-plus other bloggers that are EXACTLY like me probably can't say that. I don't think.

So writing this can definitely be you, as well. But it's just less likely. Because things that feel you tend to be things that take a little more time. If I was to only write one letter a week and really spend time editing and perfecting my writing, then I guess it would probably match up. But it still wouldn't be as satisfying as when I finish a song and get to listen to it. Or look at a painting I just made. That just feels GOOD. Like I could get run over by a car tomorrow, and at least there would be something REAL out there in the world that I made. And that's a cool feeling. Hence, my appreciation of being you, Actually Productive.

And there you have it. You are awesome and you bring me great joy. And you are a sufficient letter-recipient after a (second) long day of doing grades in preparation for the end of the term. And that's all that a guy could ask for. So thank you, Actually Productive, for all the little random things that my loved ones can sort through if I get hit by a bus.

Thinking About Always Wearing a Helmet,
CVT

Dear Blog Fatigue

Dear Blog Fatigue,

I don't know what to say here, Blog Fatigue. I kind of have you these days, and it's not helping my creativity or motivation. Not at all. Why? Why?

I find myself thinking from time to time, "I should write another letter for my blog." And then I try to think of a good topic - something really WORTH writing a letter to. And I start flailing. I look at all the random objects in my vicinity and try to measure its blog-letter worth: "Hmmm. 'Dear House Plant?' No. What about 'Dear Water Bottle'? No, that sucks. I could always write 'Dear Nothing Creative to Write' or some other such half-assed excuse semi-topic. No - that would be stupid."

It goes on and on. So many random objects and concepts in my life. So many of them that I use from day to day. Yet I still struggle to come up with one that really enables me to WRITE something of any worth. And when I struggle like that, you sets in, Blog Fatigue.

What do I mean by that, exactly? Well, I mean a lot by that, actually. Thanks for asking, Rhetorical Reader. What I mean by "you" is that feeling I get when I just don't want to do it. When I feel a little bit beat down and unable to write something of any worth. When I remind myself of those thousands of other bloggers out there EXACTLY like me, and how bad their blogs are. When I think about how stupid "Dear Pencil Sharpener" really sounds, and how much of a stretch a "Dear Not Wanting to Write This At All Right Now" is. Writing a blog of any nature is a very self-centered endeavour by definition, and it becomes quite difficult on those days when the self isn't feeling so kick-ass as it normally does.

And then come those Loyal Reader(s). I think I have like four or five of them now. And even though that is a pitifully low number (considering family and almost-family makes up half of that, leaving me three friends in the world), I still feel this (albeit mild) pressure to "produce." I mean - just read those impatient "Write More Now!" comments from Glotto, and you can see how you happens to me, Blog Fatigue. My adoring fans need more CVT letters, so I put my hands on the keyboard and try to bang out something readable, and all I can come up with is "Dear Driving Five Miles Above the Speed Limit?" Ridiculous.

The flip side of that coin, of course, is having TOO MUCH to say. Those days when I have at least five or six REALLY GOOD topics to discuss, and I can't choose which one should be my focus for the day. Although I have done multiple letters in a day before, that's not really going to be a regular thing for me, so it is quite difficult to choose between equally wonderful letter recipients. Hell, I STILL haven't written that "Dear Cornnuts" letter that I've been meaning to get to for so long. And with that, there's the knowledge in my mind (while trying to make a decision) that I'm not likely to end up writing those other letters that I do not choose at the time. Because there is a RIGHT time for writing "Dear Watching Guys Trying to Hit on Girls on the Bus," and there is a WRONG time. And if I don't choose the RIGHT time to write that letter, it's just not going to happen.

And so these things add up and pile on and give me you, Blog Fatigue. They give me that feeling that I'm just writing nonsense for the sake of nonsense, and it's not even particularly well-written. And when I'm PHYSICALLY fatigued, as well (like I am today), it makes an especially good excuse to just screw it and not write at all for another day.

So how do I go about combatting you, Blog Fatigue? Another great question. Sometimes, I don't do anything at all, and that's when I end up going letter-less for days on end. However, I DO have a secret weapon for dealing with this situation when I'm not tired enough to just give up. And that secret weapon is called "writing a letter to a descriptive phrase for how I am feeling at that very moment." Like "Dear Somewhat Tired But Not Ready for Sleep." Or "Dear Not Really in the Mood to be Writing a 'Dear Anything' Letter Right Now." Or "Dear Blog Fatigue."

Does this secret weapon work? I don't know if I even need to bother answering that one, as this letter likely speaks for itself. It's a terrible, cheap gimmick, and I acknowledge that and take full responsibility. That said, it works like an f-ing CHARM, and I'm not about to stop anytime soon. And so you, Blog Fatigue, will never get the better of me in a long-term sense. Sure, you'll get me for a few days or so, but I can always pull out my secret weapon when necessary and just blast you out of the freaking water. And that's that.

But I still respect and appreciate you, Blog Fatigue. For without you, there would be no challenge in this whole writing process. Without you, I could knock out "Dear Misty, Drizzly, Haze" and "Dear Goodwill Glove Grasping" until the proverbial cows came home. And people would be entertained. Perhaps even impressed. But there would be no true satisfaction in my writing. No challenges overcome. No pride or character built. And that would be a damn shame. And we don't like damn shames around here.

And so I thank you.

So Many New Letter Topics In My Head After Writing This One,
CVT

Dear Too Relaxed

Dear Too Relaxed,

A two-week Winter Break from work is a great thing on a number of levels. First, it takes a full week to finally get into the "vacation" of it all, coming from a pretty high-stress and high-energy job, so once that finally falls into place, I still have a full week to really enjoy it. It's also long enough to go somewhere for a real visit without making that have to be the full break - so I don't have to give up the nice, relaxed time at home that I really wanted. It's also enough time to almost forget about the job I left. Which isn't always the best thing.

Why isn't that a good thing? Well, because I become a little bit you, Too Relaxed. Two weeks is long enough for me to almost get used to NOT working. Being able to go to sleep (and subsequently wake up) whenever I want. The joys of running errands on days (and times during those days) in which other people just can't. Being able to completely waste a day doing nothing without feeling particularly guilty for it. All those things. And that's great. But the problem with being you is that - eventually - I have to go BACK to school, like I did today. And when I'm you at school, it's trouble.

First of all, I was tired. And I would have been tired no matter what, because two weeks was plenty of time to get my body used to going to sleep much later than I need to when school is happening. That being the case, even though I tried to go to bed nice and early last night, it just didn't happen. I was in bed, but I couldn't sleep because my body was telling me that I was supposed to be awake and doing something. "Let's stay up a little bit longer, CVT," it said, "we can just sleep in a little later tomorrow morning - no big deal." But it was lies. And so I woke up bright and early (in the darkness) this morning, and my body just didn't want to be awake. Or at work.

Because that's where I had to go. And because I had gotten you over the break - and I was tired, as well - I was in no shape to be whipping those kiddies into shape. And because they had also gotten you over the break - and were tired, as well - they were in no shape to be LETTING me whip them into shape.

Long story short - I am REALLY tired right now. I'd almost call it exhausted. Kind of like I used to feel back in the day (before I started using my Light Therapy Lamp). The kind of feeling that makes me think about taking a nap. But that must not be because that would likely keep me from being able to sleep tonight, which would simply cause the whole process to repeat itself. And that would be no good, indeed. Indeed.

So that's all I really have to say about that right now. I have no problem with being you in a general sense, Too Relaxed, but that kind of bit me in the ass today. That's all.

About to go sit on the couch for a couple hours,
CVT

Dear Shoelaces

Dear Shoelaces,

I don't know what's happening to me. Some might just call it "growing up." Some might call it other things. Whatever it is, though, I'm super-conscious about my shoes, these days. And I know I've already mentioned that in a previous letter, so I don't want to go into it too deeply right now, but the gist of it being that I've become conscious of shoes matching the rest of my clothes as part of an "outfit." Strange, right? Because I am hardly a fashionable guy. I pretty much alternate between two pairs of pants. I doubt anybody that knows me would think of me and an "outfit" in the same breath. And yet I am suddenly fascinated with the concept of matching my shoes to my shirts, pants, jackets, etc.

The problem with this, of course, is four-fold (can I really say that?). First, it is difficult to find cool shoes that are in a colour other than white, black, or brown. Second, being a two-pants kind of guy, those cool (colourful) shoes out there that I CAN find don't always match the clothes I have (and I'm not really going to buy new clothes just to match them to my shoes). Third, it's hard to tell if shoes are going to match other clothes when those other clothes aren't present. So if I'm at a shoestore wearing one particular selection of clothing, and I want to get shoes that match a different selection that is not present, I could very well screw it up and get shoes that don't match anything at all (like I already did with my white shoes). Fourth, I'm not rich, and cool shoes are expensive. To get the amounts of shoes I'd really need to adequately match everything I have and just be COOL, I'd have to spend a fortune. And that's a problem for a suddenly shoe-conscious guy.

But I have come up with a solution. One that I think is pretty clever, actually. And that is to simply buy many pairs of you, Shoelaces. To be more specific, many differently-coloured pairs of you. Because, ultimately, my black shoes can more or less go with whatever I am wearing - just not terribly well, and in a boring sort of way. However, were I to change the colour of the you on my black shoes, then suddenly I can match any colour shirt or jacket that I may want to wear without having to buy a million different pairs of shoes. Sure, it won't look as cool or nice as it would if I were to get specific cool shoes of every colour, but it's better than what I have going on now. And it's cheap.

So now I'm pretty excited about my plan. I even bought some you on my way home from lunch (with Glotto) because I was so excited about the idea. And I just want to put my plan into action RIGHT NOW - but it's not to be. Because I happen to be wearing a black shirt right now, and any brightly-coloured you that I would like to wear right now wouldn't match that. And I have too much pride (and am not fashionable enough) to change what I am wearing halfway through the day simply to have an excuse to use my coloured you. But don't worry - tomorrow I will. Nothing too crazy, I don't think - but the colour of my you will NOT be a simple black or white or gray tomorrow. Oh, no. The world shall tremble with the colour-matching that will occur.

If I do it right. And if my limited pants-choices can work. And if the colour you I purchased actually match the colour of shirts I own. Right.

So wish me luck in my current attempt to have well-matched you. Because, if this works, you and I are going to be VERY close indeed, Shoelaces. VERY close, indeed.

Thank you for a cheap alternative to cool shoes. I definitely needed it.

Putting Even More Thought Into a New Pair of Pants,
CVT

Back from the Ashes: A New Drawing

So I actually did go back to a drop-in figure drawing session yesterday (one of those options I mentioned), and this is what I came up with. It's not the best thing I've ever drawn, but I really liked this woman's tattoo, so this is the one I am posting. She was actually the first model who I recognized from a previous session (because of the tattoo). I definitely started out pretty rusty - which was a bit frustrating - but I was able to get through it. No Gatorade or fruit this time, so maybe that was the problem. Instead, I had a gyros pita sandwich and ice water. Not quite the same.

Dear New Year

Dear New Year,

Let's all make it bum permanently in the endless life! Okay? Good.

I haven't written in a while, so I felt like I should. And, today being the day after the first day of the you, it seemed that you would be the most logical concept to write a letter to. The thing is, though, that I don't really have much to say to or about the you. I mean - as far as I'm concerned, today is no different from the last week or so, except other people have to be back at work, and I don't. Which - now that I think about it - is a very good thing. Okay, then.

So I guess I appreciate you in that you have created for me the opportunity to do things that others cannot do. What I mean by that is that one of my most enjoyable activities when I am off from work is to just head on downtown and wander around a bit at my leisure. I usually end up at the library at some point, maybe go to Powell's Books, catch a movie if I'm so inclined . . . But none of that is particularly enjoyable when everybody else is (or is ABLE) to be doing the same thing. And that is generally the case, because I don't usually get days off that other people don't also get.

However, for the next three days, that is not the case. For the next three days, I can go around and do whatever I want while all sorts of other people have to WORK. While I am trying to decide if I feel like seeing a movie or just buying unnecessary art supplies, other people are going to be making decisions that may or may not enable them to be paid money as part of their livelihood. And then I'll debate with myself whether or not I really need popcorn or if I should just smuggle in some Goldfish or something of that nature. And that's a great feeling.

I like wandering to the carts downtown (which are only open on weekdays) to get my lunch, waiting in line without a care in the world while the other people with me are feeling anxious because their lunch break is only so long. I like being extra friendly and to not even sweat it when the person making my food apologizes for any delay because it really DOESN'T matter to me. Because I don't have to work while everyone else does. THAT'S what I enjoy about the you.

I like having the option of finally going back to an open figure drawing session at 1pm today because - for once - I won't be at work at that time on a Wednesday (or tired during the other days/times they have it). I probably won't actually end up going, but I like having the OPTION of going. I like telling myself that I can do a little bit of shopping and run some errands that I haven't gotten around to without worrying about long lines or crowds. Again - I'm not likely to actually DO any of those things, but I COULD if I wanted to. And that's what I like about the next few days of the you.

Maybe I'll go purchase myself some jeans - just to try them out, finally. Or maybe I'll purchase some other pair of pants that would go with white shoes. Maybe I'll finally bother to inflate my car tires to maximum pressure. I'll have the shoulder pads removed from some of my Chinese shirts and coats. Maybe I'll finally just bite the bullet and go buy some better audio equipment and record some quality music.

Or maybe I won't do anything at all. Because I have that option, too. And that's the joy of not having to work on a day in which most other people do - options. And so I very much appreciate that opportunity the you has provided me for all of that.

As for the rest of the you? After the next three days? Yeah. Not so excited. Not that I'm dreading it, either, but I'm not a big fan of arbitrary cut-off dates. Today is no different than a week ago is no different from a week hence. No big deal. I'm a little bit of a fan of the Winter Solstice, but that's just because it represents the fact that every day after that will have a little more daylight than the day before it. And that's exciting. But the you? Not so impressive.

But - for now - you HAVE brought me three days of no work while most other poor saps have to get to it. And for that, I am most appreciative. And for that - I thank you, New Year.

And that's all I have to say about that.

About to Take a Leisurely Shower,
CVT