Dear Actually Productive

Dear Actually Productive,

Hey Actually Productive, how's it going? It's been good being you recently, and I just wanted to write a letter to you to thank you for all you've brought me (as well as using you to explain my follow-up to "Dear Blog Fatigue" with no new letters). So I'll just get into it.

Oftentimes, I find myself writing a letter in this blog to make myself feel like I'm accomplishing something. I find myself thinking about how I haven't written in a long time, and I should get on that. I think about my Reader(s) and all that, too. But the main reason I write is because I have found that - in my personal life - if I don't feel like I'm "accomplishing something," I don't feel so hot. I feel a little bit worthless. Lazy. I feel like I'm "wasting my time." I don't enjoy straight leisure time as much as I should. And so I get myself onto the computer to type up a little letter, so I can write it down on my "Use of Life" calendar and think - "See, I DID do something this week."

Of course, that's not exactly the best reason to be writing. And when that's the case, my letter usually ends up being of a lower quality than on those days when I feel like I have something good to share with the world, or have some particular abstract concept or thing to appreciate. All that being the case, I find myself writing a lot less when I have other things going on - things that make me feel like I'm engaging in being you, Actually Productive.

Now I know that's not exactly proper grammar (I'm not sure if it's actually "splitting an infinitive," but it's something close), but it's the best I can do. You get the point, anyway. The point being that being you keeps me from feeling the need to make nonsense for the sake of nonsense. It lets me only turn to my blogging ways for the purpose of being you. And that's nice. Maybe not so much for my Loyal Reader(s), but it is nice for me.

So what kind of things do I count as you, Actually Productive? Good question. Recently, it's been a lot of writing and making music. There's just something about creating something TANGIBLE (like a song on a cd or a painting or drawing) that just always trumps anything I can write and post to a website. I can physically HAND somebody a cd. They can listen to it over and over without it losing its luster. Same thing with a painting or other visual art. That doesn't really apply to a letter to an inanimate object or concept. And so I'd rather be you than just write letters on this blog.

Not to say that I don't get anything from writing these letters. There is plenty of satisfaction writing something that I know three other people are going to read. I mean, it's such an honour. Not to mention the cumulative effect of all this writing - it's REALLY satisfying to know that I have over 160 letters to different concepts or objects on file on some website server somewhere. How many other people can say the same thing? Even those thousand-plus other bloggers that are EXACTLY like me probably can't say that. I don't think.

So writing this can definitely be you, as well. But it's just less likely. Because things that feel you tend to be things that take a little more time. If I was to only write one letter a week and really spend time editing and perfecting my writing, then I guess it would probably match up. But it still wouldn't be as satisfying as when I finish a song and get to listen to it. Or look at a painting I just made. That just feels GOOD. Like I could get run over by a car tomorrow, and at least there would be something REAL out there in the world that I made. And that's a cool feeling. Hence, my appreciation of being you, Actually Productive.

And there you have it. You are awesome and you bring me great joy. And you are a sufficient letter-recipient after a (second) long day of doing grades in preparation for the end of the term. And that's all that a guy could ask for. So thank you, Actually Productive, for all the little random things that my loved ones can sort through if I get hit by a bus.

Thinking About Always Wearing a Helmet,
CVT