Dear Super Bowl

Dear Super Bowl,

This letter had to be written. There are a number of reasons I didn't really WANT to write it, but it just had to be done. But get this straight, Super Bowl, this isn't going to be a love letter. Oh no! I don't care how much money you bring in and how many people watch you or the fact that people that don't even care about football mark you on their calendar. That's all fine and dandy - but I'm going to be real to you, Super Bowl, because you need to hear it. And it goes something like this:

The you actually kind of sucks. And I'm hardly the only person who believes that. The problem with the you is that the you is only one game. One game that generally involves one (or two) of the best teams in the league. It's not like the championship of most other sports, where the ultimate winner is decided by a SERIES of games. And that's a big deal. Why? Well, let me tell you.

The first part of that is the hype involved. One game to decide it all generates TREMENDOUS hype. The NFL (and their related networks) can't spread out their earnings over the course of a multi-day championship series, so they have to milk it in a different way - through the hype machine. Over the two weeks leading up to the you, the media has to come up with all sorts of ridiculous angles and hype about the game. The networks have to come up with more and more crazy ways to convince people to watch. We get a half-hour f-ing halftime show full of stupid dances and poor sound quality (for any music-lover out there, NEVER go to a concert in a stadium for that very reason). We get tons of million-dollar ads (which end up being horrible, most of the time). We get pre-pre-game shows that are three hours long. The game itself last somewhere around 4 hours, all said and done. All because it's just one single game, and there's no way around it.

The second part is related to the one-game aspect: usually there's a team in the game that just shouldn't be there. Because of the "one-and-done" nature of the playoffs, there are fluke wins and upsets. New England got to their first Tom Brady you because of that (for those that don't know - look it up). They ended up taking advantage and winning - but were they REALLY the "best team in the NFL" that year? Of course not. In all the other sports with a real series, there's no doubt that the champion really is the champion.

Third: because of the fluke wins and teams that don't really belong, the game itself is usually GARBAGE. Much like the BCS championship game (again, those that don't know - look it up), one game involving very good teams often ends up in a blowout. And when that happens, we have to listen to the announcers come up with all sorts of ridiculous reasons that the losing team is "still in it," to try to prevent losing their viewership. We get stupid gimmicks like famous people "popping by" the announcer booth to plug something their involved in, and other crap of that nature.

And so I generally come out of my you experience feeling cheated, Super Bowl. Everything leading up to the you jacks up emotions and excitement and belief only to fall completely short on the actual day. Even all the food I get to eat with friends while watching the game ends up making me feel sick instead of satisfied. And then all I want is another day to rest post-you, but I have to go to work instead. It all makes me so sad.

I don't want to write anything more. Thanks a lot, Super Bowl. Thanks A LOT.

Contemplating Sleeping Through It,
CVT

*I guess I should make my prediction if I'm going to write this letter: New England by 14 or 17. They will be dominating the whole game, but New York will never QUITE be "out of it." So I'll have this hope that "just maybe" the game will get close or interesting - enough to make me pay attention the whole time - and it will never happen. The whole time, the announcers will be saying how "all the Giants have to do is (BLANK) to get back in it." The Giants will NEVER do (BLANK).