Dear I Chose to Live Here

Dear I Chose to Live Here,

In this, my 200th letter, I have to remind myself that you, I Chose to Live Here. And when I say that, I mean that you in Portland. Nobody put a gun to my head. Nobody said that I had to for their sake or for any other reason. No - I you, and after I did that, I stayed for many years. And I'm still here. Because you.

So why do I feel the need to remind myself that you? Well, because I got back from Hawaii today. Last night, I was wearing shorts and flip flops, watching Hawaiian families spend time with their kids on the beach. Today, I had to put on long pants, shoes, and multiple layers of clothing to go find some breakfast in the cold rain. And on days like this when I want to lament the ridiculous "unfairness" of it all, I have to remind myself that you.

And that's important. Because I often (sort of) forget that when I get into my complain-about-Portland state of mind (which, I admit, happens a little too often). There is no reason outside of my own personal choice that keeps me here (as opposed to somewhere more Heavenly, like Hawaii), and that is an important thing to keep in mind.

But another reason it is good to think of the fact that you is to ask myself the simple question: why? Why did you in Portland? On days like today, it's hard to come up with another response other than "I'm crazy." Because it turns out there are places out there where it's sunny all the time, the weather is seldom above 80 degrees (or below 70) and there is amazing food of all types to eat. Places where I can actually blend in with a crowd and people actually assume that I'm from THERE, as opposed to needing to ask me where I'm from (because they assume that I must be from somewhere ELSE). Places where there's ocean and beach, rainforest mountains, and a big city all within a 15-minute drive from one another. These places exist (or maybe I should say this PLACE (singular) exists) right here in the United States of America.

And yet you, I Chose to Live Here, instead. Sounds kind of f-ing nuts to me. So I find myself trying to analyze the reasons WHY you. Why I continue to stay in spite of this knowledge. Because this is important. And so I shall attempt to turn it positive:

Reason #1: I really love my job. I do. I have fun and feel challenged and get to be creative and share my interests and play every single day at work. Very few people can say that about their jobs, and that's a big deal. I like the people I work with. And it's a very specific combination of things that make all that true (i.e. I couldn't just go teach at any other school in the States and have the same results).

Reason #2: I really love my job. I know I already said that, but that's pretty much the big reason I stay here, so I thought it needed repeating.

Reason #3: In spite of my claims to the contrary, I actually have a couple friends here. Good ones. And since it took me like four years to come up with my three solid friends, I don't exactly want to run off and start it all over again.

Reason #4: Summers here are really quite lovely. And because of the crappy winters (and falls and springs), I can really appreciate that when it happens.

Reason #5: It's a good size. It's sort of city-like without being overwhelming, and I can bike places (if I wanted to, that is) without fearing for my life every second.

Reason #6: Since I'm going to find something to complain about no matter where I end up - why not be somewhere where the complaints are consistent and predictable (thus allowing me to adequately prepare for them; think SAD Lamp)?

Reason #7: I'm never thirsty here.

I think that's about it. The reasons why you, I Chose to Live Here. Pretty short list, really (especially considering Reasons #1-3 are the only ones that really carry much weight). But that happens. The grass is always greener, right? So since those big reasons are such capital "b" Big ones, that's okay. Probably not enough to stay here indefinitely, but enough to not feel like a total ass for continuing to stay here in the short term. There's always time to hate my job in Hawaii in the future.

And so there you have it, I Chose to Live Here. The reasons you and continue to stay. And it's important to think about. It's important to know why you. And so I appreciate you, I Chose to Live Here. I appreciate the fact that you, and that I am the only one responsible for the fact that I continue to do so. It's important to question things - and just as important to answer those questions, and so I am feeling okay(ish) about the fact that you. And I thank you for that.

Thought I Saw Some Sun for a Minute/Already Getting Paler,
CVT