Dear Iso-Tensile-Flexion System

Dear Iso-Tensile-Flexion System,

Apparently, being "back home" turns me into a freaking GENIUS. GENIUS, I say!!! Why do I say that? Well - there is the Four-Inch Fighting system that I developed yesterday morning with my brother . . . which was great. But then I developed a system to beat all systems: the you, Iso-Tensile-Flexion System.

Now I imagine that there are many folks out there who are confused by the specific, technical-sounding nomenclature of you. And that's understandable. It really is quite technical. So I shall explain what it all means (in the context of recent history).

Last night, I was eating dinner with my parents and Loyal Reader (some sea bass, chicken, rice, and spinach that I had cooked up - not remarkable, but fine) when different weight-lifting techniques come up. I'm not exactly sure HOW it came up, but it did (likely in the context of my Loyal Reader's current passion for jujitsu). He was saying how there was a new way of lifting weights that did not consist of doing many repetitions at a time, but rather one EXTREMELY slow rep. It would be like doing one bench press over the course of a minute - just ever-so-slowly lowering the bar at precise, controlled increments; then raising it again.

Apparently, this new technique is supposed to be a lot better than the common multi-rep version of weight-lifting because it doesn't damage the muscles, and it is more extended use in one go. Whatever. Sounded interesting and all - but everyone out there knows that I hate working out, and I am never going to go out of my way to lift a weight . . . But then genius struck.

It occurred to me that what my Loyal Reader was describing was just a glorified held flex. I asked myself (and the family) if it would be equally effective to use no weight at all and just flex for two minutes straight. After some round-table discussion, we determined that it would likely have similar results. In fact, my Loyal Reader pointed out, body builders say that it is the posing in competitions that is the hardest part of their workouts.

And this is how you were born, Iso-Tensile-Flexion System. This is how the you works: holding a specific flexed pose for two minutes every day. That's it. Period. Nothing more. No weights or other props involved. No cost. Very little time. Can be done ANYWHERE AT ALL. Anywhere. So simple, really. And it is.

But it is NOT easy. I repeat - it is NOT easy. I decided to test it out yesterday (and this morning) with my family watching, and it was ridiculous. I adopted a pose that involved a semi-squat and flexed arms (with toes curled, flexing every muscle I possibly could at one time) and tried to hold it for two minutes. At one minute I was shaking. At a minute and a half, sweat was pouring down, and I thought I was going to collapse. At two minutes, I relaxed and fell to the floor, feeling like I had just undergone a full workout.

And there you have it. The you. Simple. Affordable (in terms of time AND money). But NOT easy. I seriously think that this could be genius.

So my current mission for the next 30 days is to perfect my you. I will come up with two perfect poses (to be done on alternate days) that can compliment each other in terms of working all the major muscle groups in the body. I will do them for two minutes every day (with no other workout - which is the easiest part, because I would do no other workout, anyway). And when I a become ridiculously cut and buff, I am going to write a book, make an infomercial, and become crazy-rich. It will be like stealing - but not as fun (because it's tiring).

And once I get my you down, anybody will be able to do it. I'll have poses for the elderly, for people rehabilitating from injury, for athletes. Systems that last only one minute each. Four minutes. Whatever. Completely adjustable for anybody at all. F-ing BRILLIANT.

The most amazing part about all of this is that I'm kind of serious. I will actually try this for the next 30 days to see if it has any merit at all. And I will post regular updates on this site. By this time on April 7th, I will be the first living example of the effectiveness of the you, Iso-Tensile-Flexion System. A year from then - Hollywood will follow.

So thank you, Iso-Tensile-Flexion System, for being my path towards riches. When the you gets me super-crazy-rich, I'll buy you a drink.

Thinking About the FACIAL-Iso-Tensile-Flexion System as an Alternative to Plastic Surgery,
CVT