Dear Failed Experiment

Dear Failed Experiment,

My Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post was a you, Failed Experiment. It was a you. It was supposed to invite participation on a larger scale. It was supposed to bring on commentary and make me feel validated. And it worked for one post. And then it proved something even bigger:

This blog is a you.

I know, I know - I originally started this thing as a means to simply practice my writing on a regular basis. A reason to write - and write A LOT - so that somewhere along the line I would be a better writer. And I think I was relatively successful at that. During the time when I was really writing regularly, I think my writing improved - that I developed a "style" that worked for me. I had a good thing going, it was more or less entertaining, and it felt good to be keeping it up.

But that was then.

Because this blog started as practice, and practice alone. I made sure to specify that I wasn't trying to do anything else with this, and that it really just didn't matter if anybody else read it - because it was just for me and my practice. And I meant it. But then people started reading it (relatively) regularly. I had people (granted, only four of them, but still) keeping up on my writings (and, to some extent, my life) through this blog. Sometimes, they commented on my writings.

And that changed everything. Suddenly, this thing wasn't about me and my practice, but about keeping my (ridiculously small) readership happy. It became about trying to think of entertaining things to say - trying to be witty. It became about trying to write regularly so people had something to read and would stay interested, as opposed to for the sake of getting better at writing. And that's around the time this thing stopped being much fun for me. That's when I started needing external validation (in the form of comments).

I fought through it for a while, but my motivation just started slipping more and more every day. I tried to change things up - I was going to post a song every week - but that wasn't enough. I tried to do a Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post to get people to say something, but that was a you.

And so, too - it seems - is this blog. It wasn't at the beginning, but now it is. It has surpassed its usefulness (to me, at least). It's mostly a chore, these days. And a chore undertaken for the sake of four readers (no matter how awesome you four readers are) just isn't enough for me to take it very seriously, anymore.

So now what? I'm not sure. I may just stop writing, entirely, but I don't really know. Maybe I'll start up another (secret) blog that nobody at all knows about, so it can become all about the writing again. Or maybe I'll start doing a serious one that invites even complete strangers to want to enter into a dialogue.

I really don't know.

But I DO know that this blog has turned into a you, Failed Experiment, and there's no need to keep faking it, anymore. I started it over a year ago, and I think that's plenty. I got what I wanted from it, and that's that. I think the only thing left to do is to write an appreciation letter to this blog to close it out. So I think I'll do that in a couple days.

Perhaps I'll write a letter to my readership, as well.

Hell - maybe all these pre-quitting-my-blog appreciation letters will give me the steam to not quit, after all. Or maybe it will just give me a couple more things to write about before it's over.

Whatever.

Anyway - I don't thank you, Failed Experiment, but I do respect you. There's nothing wrong with a good you. Without yous, there would be no successful versions, and then there would be no progress. I have no problem with you, Failed Experiment, and I hope you can say the same.

Until Next Time,
CVT

Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post:
Peanut butter and pickles OR mango stew?

Dear Testing

Dear Testing,

I write this as I am at work. The first time in a VERY long while that I have been mindlessly computer-browsing during work-hours. It is this kind of mindless computer-browsing on work time that made me quit my research job and head into the field of youth work. And I haven't looked back.

Because I don't check my e-mail during work-hours, anymore. I don't answer my phone. I just do my job and hang out and play and have a lot of fun with it (mostly). Except on days like today.

Because today we're doing state math you. All day. Every class period is going to be a bunch of kids quietly (hopefully) you while I just try to while away the time on a computer. And that's incredibly boring for me.

I had a plan, of course. I was going to take care of all my grades (this is the last week of the grading period, so I have hours of grading to do), but the grade server is down. And so I'm just bored and relatively unproductive. Thanks, Testing.

And so I have the opportunity to write you a letter, Testing. A letter to say how ridiculous these state tests really are. The state (and federal) school system has boiled down all the learning and work these kids have done into a one-hour, 45-question, multiple-choice test. That's it. It's all "select the right answer" of four. Which means that somebody who knew nothing at all could do well by guessing (although not likely, it's possible).

And then there's a flip side, of course. Because the beauty of multiple-choice you is the clever tricks employed to "make sure the kid REALLY knows the answer." So there are fake-out choices to try to trick the non-discerning kid into choosing them instead of the correct choice. Which means that somebody who really knows how to do the math could do terribly by not being ready for the fake-outs.

And then there's the confidence aspect of these ridiculous tests. They are designed so that getting around 50% correct is achieving "benchmark" (grade level). 50%. Meaning the kid getting an equivalent of a big fat "F" is at grade level. So what, right? That means nothing.

Except for the fact that the kids are SUPPOSED TO NOT HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TO DO HALF THE PROBLEMS. So they go into this test, facing all sorts of questions they have no idea how to answer, and they're supposed to continue feeling confident and want to keep trying throughout the test. Let's just say that that's not so fair or balanced for the kids I work with.

And I don't know if there's anything else I need to say about that. Besides, I have to get back to work.

Computer-bound,
CVT

Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post:
What is your favourite Scan-tron memory?

Gateway

This is going to be short and sweet, but my readers were getting restless (and my Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post was a success), so I felt the need to throw something up here. Not throw up. But throw something up in terms of PUTTING something on my site. POSTING it, as it were.

Anyway.

Gate and I are doing a little "Art Exchange" right now. He is currently making a painting that he will soon give me to write music to. At the same time, he will be taking a song that I made and make a painting to it. This is that song:

http://download.yousendit.com/9C1F29B23350D62C

Enjoy.

Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post:
If one were to write a Haiku to go with this song, what would it be?

AND

Cello or bass? Why?

CVT

Dear Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post

Dear Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post,

My readers have spoken, and I have answered!!! My thronging faithful have asked that I spark dialogue myself - that I make people actually WANT to respond in some way, and I have responded!!!! The magnificent multitude of massed minions that partake in the sustenance that this blog provides have implied that random letters to inanimate objects and concepts is not enough alone to promote passionate written exchanges, and so I have replied:

With you, Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post. That's right - the you.

So what is the you, many may ask? No need for those many to ask because I was going to answer that as-yet-unasked question, either way. The you is my solution to this problem of my readers sitting back on their laurels (putting gorilla hair on around the oleander, so to speak) and hesitating to comment on my amazing letters. I have often heard that my more quiet readers are intimidated by the dashing wit and clever writing of myself and my more-oft-heard-from readers. They fear that they have nothing "clever" to say, themselves, and they subsequently refrain from leaving a comment. And - until now - I have not done enough to allay those fears.

For it is true - I am so smart-witted that many find fright in attempting to match my charm. My writing is so poetic, my insights so insightful, that few can stand on my level (or even sit at it, for that matter). My odes to various inanimate objects render my readers brains equally inanimate, leaving them speechless. And - of course - when one is speechless, they are generally word-less, which falls out rather unfavourably in the realm of typed comments.

And that is not the only problem, either. For it is not just myself that is so dastardly, bastardly loquacious - I have some witty readers, as well. And these witty readers cause my slightly-less-so (at least in their own minds) readers to hide back in the shadows of self-consciousness. That - of course - is not what any of us want. We want discourse - conversation! We want to bring the disparate reaches of my strange social circle together in the cyber realm (for we tend NOT to do so in the physical one) to meet, greet, and kiss my feet. THAT is the goal.

And so - in light of that goal - I have come to the conclusion that something EXTRA was needed to properly motivate my readers to comment. Something bold, innovative, and compelling. Like Jerry Springer, but with less physical danger. And that idea is you, Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post.

So the you is a simple thing, really, that needs little explanation. However, I am still going to explain:

Each time I write one of my brilliant letters, I am going to attach a you at the bottom. This will be a question specifically directed to my readers (but that may also be responded-to by the subject of my letter, of course). This question will be - as the title states - SOMEWHAT relevant to the topic of the rest of the letter. Somewhat. Mostly, it will be a little random, depending on my mood.

My hope, of course, is that this will give my readers focus in their responses. I still welcome the same kind of comments that I have been receiving, of course, but I hope that this will encourage my fringe commenters to weigh in more often. Give them something to comment on, specifically, when they feel like they "just don't know what to write."

If the you is successful, of course, then my goal will be achieved - more comments, more discourse, and (most importantly) more validation for the existence of my ridiculous blog. And that would be fantastic.

(I was interrupted mid-post by a phone call from a past reader, which caused me to lose my momentum, thus causing my eloquence to taper off a bit in the second portion of the letter - for which I apologize).

So there. I thank you in advance, Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post, for the changes you shall bring to this already-stellar enterprise.

Coming Up with Queries,
CVT

The You:
Coming back in a second life as a pet chinchilla that has an overbearing owner that likes to dress its fuzzy friends in ridiculous outfits OR coming back in a second life as a pet turtle named "Shmoozy"? Discuss.

Dear Infrequent Posts

Dear Infrequent Posts,

This is another in a (relatively) long line of you, Infrequent Posts. I seem to be losing steam a little bit here. Momentum has floundered, and I have found other things I'd rather do with my time (like make music or sleep). And so I have been producing you.

Overall, I don't really think that's the worst thing in the world. Not at all. But I do feel like it warrants some sort of explanation. Hence, this letter.

So what have I been doing with my time instead of writing letters to inanimate objects and concepts? Why have I lost a little bit of my motivation to do so consistently? Read on.

1) Music. I have been playing with my toys A LOT lately. A LOT. When I can loop pretty much ANY basic instrumentation and then just record or "jam-out" over it for endless hours - imagine what happens when I am actually producing a real song? Yeah - the creative process is pretty time-consuming, and I have been throwing myself into it a lot recently. And not only is it time-consuming, but it is one of those things that causes the loss of time-awareness, which leads to me looking up, realizing it's time to go to sleep, and doing so without taking the half-hour to write a letter on this blog.

2) Sickness. I've been sick the last few days, and that's just a straight-up motivation-killer. When I have a decent excuse NOT to do anything productive (i.e. "I should rest up and get myself healthy right now"), it's hard not to take advantage.

3) ITF. I know - it's only two minutes. Only two minutes. But it's EVERY DAY - and I've been sticking to my guns on this one (I'm well past 30 days now). And since I only have enough mental discipline for ONE every-day activity, it's easier to spend that discipline on the two-minute one, as opposed to the 30-minute variety. My conscience is much more likely to allow me to slack on something I was going to do regularly if I'm already doing something ELSE regularly.

4) Socializing. I actually socialize from time to time, and when I do that, that generally causes me to get home at bed-time, which then eliminates my letter-writing time. That's that on that.

5) Purposelessness. I've been writing this thing for close to a year now, and I am not always entirely sure of the purpose. I feel like I should because of my four regular readers, but it's hard to keep that going when there's no physical evidence of those four regular readers actually being out there. I need more comments, people. Yeah, yeah - I said this whole thing is to just practice writing, but I need some validation now and then, too.

6) Other blogs. I've found myself regularly reading OTHER blogs these days. More insightful, much more read ones, at that. Ones where lots of people comment and there's actual dialogue about things. Hard to regularly read stuff like that and then get motivated to write my bull-sh . . .

7) Sports. The NCCAA tournament ended last week. NHL hockey playoffs BEGAN last week. NBA playoffs begin soon. This is when I get a little re-immersed in the sport-watching world, and that prevents me from being free to do other things.

And I think that's it. Sad that I can come up with seven relatively real things for why I am writing you, Infrequent Posts, and I only have like three real ones for living in Portland. Oh, well. The things we do.

I have nothing more to say about this.

Lethargic,
CVT

*when looking for an image to place on this post, I found the whole catalogue of "Demotivational Posters" like the one up top - some of those are f-ing HILARIOUS. Check out "Conformity." Absolutely classic.

Dear YAM!

Dear YAM!

My Loyal Reader requested that I write this letter, and I intended to do so at the beginning of the week. And then, somehow, I just got myself all sorts of pre-occupied. I was making music (I've spent hours on it this week, without a finished product to throw to this blog), and there were some sporting events to watch on the television (the NCAA basketball final, and Stanley Cup Playoff hockey began this week). Just so much going on.

But now I have a little time (not a lot, mind, because it's actually sunny out today, and I intend to be out in it within the hour) to write you, YAM!, and so I shall.

About a week ago, my Loyal Reader sent me an e-mail that had a link on it. That link was to a new computer game demo. That computer game demo was "Return to Dark Castle." Now, I know that there are only a select few out there that can possibly realize the relevance and importance of those words, so I shall do a little bit of explaining.

When I was a child, we had a Mac computer. I believe it was an Apple IIGS (if memory serves). Anyhow - on that computer, we didn't really have any games. My parents used it for word processing, and I remember my dad making references to some sort of crazy "web" or some such thing that was being developed, where he could get computer programs THROUGH THE TELEPHONE LINES in only a matter of hours for something as big as 200 kilobytes. "Compuserve," he called it. I called it nonsense. Nothing like that could exist.

Anyway. So one day - and I am afraid I don't actually remember the day or the surrounding circumstances - my dad showed up with a GAME for our computer. And that game was called "Dark Castle." It is almost impossible to describe this game to the uninitiated, but I shall try.

The game was about a prince who was going into a castle that was the evil bastion of the Black Knight, who had been lording over a village for years. The prince was armed only with stone (to begin with), that he would throw at enemies (rats and bats infested with the Plague, stiff soldier-knights, and then a cornucopia of stranger baddies). He would run around and jump and battle foes in order to progress through rooms until he could battle the Black Knight.

Now, for that day and age, Dark Castle was amazing. The graphics and effects were relatively advanced, and the gameplay was pretty fluid (from what I remember). But that was not the most amazing part. The amazing part was the SOUNDS. The whole game was made using various sampled sound effects (no music in the original) for every action. There was the sound of a door opening and closing. The squeaks of rats. The flapping wings of bats. Whip sounds. Machine sounds.

But the best sounds were the unexpected ones: when you killed a bat with a rock, it would make a deflating "ping" sound before falling to the ground and making a fart-like "splat." When the prince tripped and fell, he would spin around dizzily while making confused, dizzy "uhuuuhhhuuhhhuhhhh - WHOO!" sounds as he finally came back to it, shook his head around, and got back on track. He would grunt as he jumped or climbed ropes. He would groan when he tried to pick things up and couldn't (because his pockets were too full). And he would triumphantly exclaim "You" every time he picked something up, YAM! Yes - he would exclaim "You."

I don't know why he did that. I don't know what "you" was supposed to mean. Maybe nothing. But those were the sounds of my childhood - the sound effects of Dark Castle, and they remained locked away in the back of my mind for 15 years after I no longer played the game.

Until this week. I downloaded the demo, and I played it. And it was almost EXACTLY the SAME as the original!!! The graphics were just colorized (with slightly-touched-up backgrounds). There was now a musical soundtrack. But everything else looked and - more importantly - SOUNDED like the original! Within a minute of playing, I was thrown back to my childhood, recalling all those memories I thought I had lost.

And, to be honest, it was a bit disconcerting. I can't really explain it. It was TOO familiar. It was like having my body snatched. Or like living 15 years of life only to wake up one day and realize that it was all just a dream, and I had yet to age past 12. THAT crazy. I mean - it really messed with my head.

But it also felt so good. And in that nostalgic joy, I finally understood what "You" really meant. Because playing that game brought back the feeling of "you" to me. The joy of discovery and good fortune. Knowing that I didn't absolutely NEED this game and it's memories back in my life, but knowing that I was also missing something without it. You, YAM! Picking up a bag of stones and feeling it nestle comfortably in my pocket, where I could get to it in times of need. That is what you is about. And that was what playing this game was about.

It really WAS a return for me. A Return to Dark Castle, sure - but also a return to my youth and mildly-sunny days spent indoors in the shadows of a darkened room, playing this game and taking that sunlight for granted. The specific way the sunshine played off the leaves of the birch tree by the window at three in the afternoon . . . It's all right here with me now - and as I feel it all, all I can think to myself is: you.

So thank you, YAM!, for that feeling. For bringing it all back to me and allowing me to reconnect to my littler self. It just feels so you.

Not Taking THIS Sunlight for Granted,
CVT

Dear "No One"

Dear "No One,"

I am writing this letter to you today, "No One," to appreciate my newest guilty pleasure (which, of course, is you - the song by Alicia Keys). This may seem a little bit weird coming from me (considering my relatively "refined" musical tastes), but it's not, "No One." It's not. Partly because you are such a wonderfully guilty-pleasure-inducing song. And partly because - at any given time - I have one or two slightly silly pop songs on the top of my musical-enjoyment list. Right now, that song is you, "No One."

As I type this, I am listening to you, of course. I've got you on a loop to keep me sufficiently inspired to do this letter up right. Because you are so very inspiring, indeed. Now, I had listened to you a few times in passing before my Spring Break - on the radio when I played music for the kids during class, usually. Never the full song - just a little bit before it changed to a new song. Or maybe I'd hear a little teaser as a car passed me by with you blasting on the stereo. That kind of thing.

But then I went to Hawaii, and I had me a nice little memory: my last full night before I fly out, I end up watching the sun set on a little picnic table in a random little park outside of a little random town East of Honolulu. The sun goes down, and I get in my car to take a night drive around a chunk of the island. I end up in this relatively-large town (for Oaha, at least), Kailua, and it's time to do some eating. As I have been doing the whole trip, I park in a central location and then wander around, letting my hormones and instincts decide what I am going to eat for dinner that night. I end up getting drawn in to a little Japanese-ish hole-in-the-wall called Ho-Jin, and I order a Poke Donburi dinner (I won't even try to explain Poke, as that's pretty much a separate letter in and of itself). To cut a longer story short, the dinner is delicious, and I'm just feeling good - and then you come on the radio, and I end up eating my dinner to your beat. And I am filled with this extraordinary sense of goodness (probably partially because of the fresh sashimi in the poke) that is just hard to explain. So I won't.

But the point is that is when you got me, "No One." When you officially became my newest guilty-pleasure song. And I think you might be one of my top guilty-pleasure songs of all time right now. You certainly beat out "I'm Coming Up" by Pink. You might be even with "Take On Me" by A-ha. I don't intend to divulge my whole ridiculous musical palette to the world right now, so I'll just leave it at that - you're near the top, for sure, though.

And I can't really explain it - why do I enjoy you so much? I have pretty exacting standards for my music (both in terms of lyrics and talent), and yet I could listen to you on an endless loop without issue (and am right this second, actually). I mean - of course you're catchy as Hell. And Alicia Keys' voice is pretty cool-sounding. I suppose it doesn't hurt that I have a little bit of a crush on her. But that's not what it is . . .

It's something of the "forbidden fruit" syndrome, I think. Getting to "indulge" in a popp-y, top-40 love song that talks about "always," "never," "forever," and actually claims that "everything's gonna be all right." There's even a weird synth-y violin-thing happening in the background, backing "oooooohhhh"-ing, and an "Oh-oh-oh-oh-ooooooh!" breakdown at the end. So perfectly formulaic that I can't help but love it. It's like the musical version of the Transformers movie or something like that. Or maybe more like "10,000 BC" - so utterly predictable and ridiculous that it blasts me right past criticism into innocent enjoyment.

And I have a crush on Alicia Keys. To the point where I just found myself thinking, "what if she happened to find this blog somehow - would this make her feel bad?" The funniest part is this crush has come almost ENTIRELY from you, "No One," making it into my guilty-pleasure-song list (and NOT because she's hot, famous, etc.). Maybe some day I'll have to do a tribute re-mix and put it up on YouTube.

Anyway. That's what I've got to say about all that, "No One." I thank you for giving me many many minutes of listening pleasure and random joy. And for inspiring (what feels like) my most deeply personal and revealing letter out of all 205 letters I have written in the past year. This one was deep, Man.

You and Me Together - Through the Days and Nights
I Don't Worry Cuz - Everything's Gonna' Be Alright
People Keep Talking - They Can Say What They Like
But All I Know Is: Everything's Gonna' Be Alright
You, You, YOU - Can Get In the Way of What I'm Feeling
You, You, YOU - Can Get in the Way of What I Feel
For You, "No One."

You,
CVT

*Who would have thought that your lyrics would better sum up my feelings on this matter than my whole letter?

Ring-TONE!!!

Here it is, the first-ever Special Edition CVT Ringtone. This will be a classic someday - but today, it's a number-one hit. I hope most of you out there have mp3 ringtone capabilities on your phones, because it would be a damn shame if you had first crack at it, and you were one of the LAST to actually have the C-V-T blowing up your phone.

I'm sure there will be various other custom-ringtones coming in the future, but I make no promises. Swoop this one up before it's too late . . .

http://download.yousendit.com/D8B1378619D8B743

Dear "I Got It"

Dear "I Got It,"

I've been having a lot of "I really like my job" moments in the last couple days. Which is amazing, considering I just finished a Spring Break in which I had the most perfect, responsibility-free vacation in paradise - and yet, I return to work and find myself appreciating it MORE (instead of wishing I could just be chilling in Hawaii . . . although I DO Think about that from time to time).

Anyway, a prime example of this feeling comes from a moment I had today in class. I have my kids split up into various "stations" around the room - some working on new material, some practicing stuff we've been doing for a bit, the rest working on some "real-life" math problems . . . Back in the day, when I didn't know how to do my job, I wasn't smart enough to split kids up like this, and it was a (mostly) full hour of kids working all on the same thing, struggling, and constantly yelling my name and getting frustrated with the work.

Today, however, it was different. I had this one moment where I was just standing there, watching all these kids do their math. Some working together, some just doing it on their own, but the whole damn class just working away without needing my help. And this wasn't some accelerated class or something - this was one of my classes of kids with more math-issues. And yet - there was this moment when they just didn't need me whatsoever, and I was getting BORED.

That's right - I get BORED when I'm just chilling and the kids are working away. So I go up to this one student, who often asks for help, and she just looks up at me, makes shoo-ing gestures, and says with a cocky grin, "You," I Got It. "You." And she meant it (because when I snuck a peek at her work, she DID have it).

And when that happened, I got knocked with this extreme sense of "yeeeaahhhh." The playfulness and satisfaction with which she said it, combined with confidence and pride - THAT was awesome. Just awesome.

And I've had a lot of those kinds of moments this week. Moments where the kids are all focused and doing their work because they actually know what's going on, and so they don't need to mess with each other out of frustration. And that's when I get to chat with them and joke with them and have random conversations about ridiculous things (today at lunch I was talking to one kid about two of his friends - former students - who had gotten in a CACTUS FIGHT; these are the same kids who toss THROWING STARS at each other for fun - REAL ones). It's great. This is when those first two years of ridiculous days and stress feel worth it . . . And when I remember for sure why I still live in Portland.

Because of those times when a kid tells me, "You." And for those wonderful moments, I thank you, I Got It. Because that's when I end up smiling the biggest.

All Warm and Fuzzy,
CVT

*By the way - NONE of my kids look anything like the kid in the photo, but that's all I could find online that even SLIGHTLY resembled the concept I was thanking in this letter.

**Oh - and don't think I didn't see the comments about ring-tones. And don't think they aren't forthcoming.

Dear RAM

Dear RAM,

I'm going to keep this particular letter short and sweet because I currently don't have a lot of positive things to say about you, and I would like to write you another letter in a few days when I DO have some good things to say, RAM. That said, I shall say a few things right now.

I don't have enough you. More specifically, my COMPUTER doesn't have enough you (the all-important "memory" of computer necessity). Now, this was never a problem back in the good ol' days of using amateur software and limited effects and instruments in my music-making. But in all of my upgrading, I have ended up putting myself in a position where my computer's limited amount of you, RAM, really matters.

Which is funny, because I have over a GIGABYTE of you, currently. I upgraded my laptop a while back to make sure that I had (what then seemed like) TONS of you. I wanted to make sure I had plenty left over to do whatever I wanted to do with my computer - and it seemed like I had achieved that by installing a whole extra gigabyte into my laptop. And a gigabyte used to be a whole Hell of a lot of you, RAM. A whole Hell of a lot. But times have changed.

And in these modern times, a man can produce relatively high-quality (at least in terms of technology - talent is another thing) music and audio from his bedroom. His BEDROOM. And that's a pretty amazing thing. I don't have egg cartons or foam padding all over my walls. I don't have a special room tucked away in my "studio"/basement. There is no sound-proof glass. I just sit at my desk in my freaking BEDROOM and create, record, and produce my own music that is of a higher quality than most eight-tracks from around the time of my birth. That's a lot of progress in a pretty short time (an analogy for my own musical progress in the last couple years, I would say). And that kind of progress is an amazing, fun thing. The only problem is that this kind of progress affects things like the need for you, RAM. And so, now, as I am able to perform some pretty cool auditory feats, I am also in need of more you to keep up.

So what does it mean that I need more you? In layman's terms: I can't make my sh-- come out right without it. Currently, when I try to record my music, everything is all good for the first two or three tracks I lay down. No problem. And if I only made three-track music, I'd be fine.

But I don't. Oh no - I don't make no nimbly-pimbly three-track music in MY bedroom. No - I lay down AT LEAST five tracks per song. At least. Because the better I get, the more tracks I need to put down. I need backing vocals (at least one or two extra on top of the lead track). I need at least one drum kit (these days, I like to play around with more than one). I need some sort of lead instrument (or two). I need a bassline. I need rhythm. And that's it only if I decide to keep it simple.

Of course, if I were to lay down those six (or more) tracks without any effects or tweakage, I could make it work. That's pretty much what I used to be doing not too long ago. But that's also why my music didn't sound as good. Because now I have all sorts of different filters and amp-simulators for my bass and electric guitars. Now I have some good adjustments I can make on the vocals. Now I can be making my own ridiculously over-the-top beats with better-sounding software instrumentation over the top of it all. And that uses you, RAM. A LOT of precious you. So much so, in fact, that it causes my program to crash mid-recording, and I can't even play back songs that have more than a couple tracks which effectively kills all of my productions mid-song.

And that's why I haven't posted anything recently. I had this goal of a song per week, and I've been productive enough to have kept to that goal - if it wasn't for my you problems, RAM. Had I enough you, I would have posted at least one song last week, and another finished one today. But that wasn't meant to be - because of you, RAM. Because of you.

However, there is a solution: order more you. Another gigabyte, in fact. My computer is capable of being boosted up to TWO gigabytes of you, and I have decided to go through with it. The only other solution is to buy a new laptop, and I'm just not going to do that (between recent music investments, my trip to Hawaii, and my taxes - I'm looking at a slightly-sickening hole if I don't get my monetary ish together). And so I have ordered extra you, and it should be in the mail as I type this. Hopefully, I will get it by Thursday, and then I can post a finished song within a day or two of that.

However, I don't want to keep my Loyal Reader waiting any longer, and so I am making an unfinished song available. This one is a tribute to my somewhat-Asian-ness, as well as my steady improvement in the tinkering with making my own beats on my software drum machine (I didn't end up purchasing that other one I mentioned before I left for Hawaii; and in my current fiscal state, there will be no such impulse buys in the near future). The drums are Taiko. The choir is all electronic. There is a missing bass-line, the choir sounds are not as I want them, and there is likely more to be added, but this will have to do for now:

http://download.yousendit.com/8812F37904CBBD67

As for you, RAM - you and I are going to have a serious talk in a couple days when I get another gigabyte of you in the mail. A SERIOUS talk.

Imagining Some Finished Products,
CVT