Dear Planet B-Boy,
I know I said that I was going to stop writing this blog. And I probably will quite soon. But, for at least one more post, fate has intervened. And fate went by the name of you, Planet B-Boy.
I don't even know where to begin on this one. So much power and importance lies within you, that I don't know how to adequately portray your majesty. I suppose I shall begin by telling my readers what you are, Planet B-Boy. Hopefully, their lives have been blessed in such a way as to be fully aware of you, but I cannot rely on that. No - I shall spread gospel through my own blessed vessel.
Planet B-Boy is the best movie ever made. That's the easy part. The rest is more difficult to explain. For you is a documentary about the world b-boy championships (the "Battle of the Year") held in Germany every year. Now, I am sad to note that not everybody is aware of what a "b-boy" even is. It's break-dancing, to simplify things. A b-boy is a member of a "break-dancing" crew. Of course - that is not how any true b-boy would accurately describe it, but for the layperson who has been cursed with the ill-luck of not being aware of the phenomenon, it should suffice.
So you is a documentary. An incredibly well-made documentary. One that would be worth a viewing no matter its subject-matter. But that, of course, does not make you the best movie ever. Oh, no. You is the best movie ever because it is a well-made documentary about the best b-boy crews in the world - and it contains plenty of ridiculous footage to prove it.
I can't even begin to describe it - so I won't. All I can say is imagine the most bad-ass, unreal physical feats - then speed them up and put them to a beat. THAT is wherein lies the magic of you, Planet B-Boy. You showcases the raw talent and athleticism necessary to be one of the best b-boys in the world, but you also portrays the poetry and creative artistic expression inherent in the dance, as well. THAT is the beauty.
I keep running into a wall in my attempts to do the movie justice. Let's put it this way: there was an elderly lady (gray-haired, old white lady that works at the library, I believe) watching the movie by herself. Every time a dance clip was shown, she couldn't help but yell out, or clap, or otherwise make known her excitement. And when the movie touched on the difficult back-story of individuals from the international crews, she wept. I kid you not. And I faulted her not at all for doing so.
Because I could not refrain from yelling out throughout the movie. I couldn't help but elbow my viewing partner (Petunia) and say, "See that!?" as if she possibly could have missed it. I felt deeply for every crew competing. I marveled at their skills and dedication. And, ultimately, I found myself with one wish on this planet: to be a b-boy, myself.
That's right - the movie made me want to be a b-boy. Wish I had started as a child, so I could be amazing at this point in my life. It had me lamenting the wasted years and the fact that I was exposed to this film so late in my life - post physical peak.
And - days after said viewing - this feeling sits in me just as strong as when I watched the film. It is not like any passing fancy of inspiration I have felt before. It has me SERIOUSLY considering learning to become a b-boy. THAT is how amazing you was, Planet B-Boy. You turned a (relatively) grown man into a five year-old with an impulsive desire to do what he just watched on-screen.
And the worst thing? Thursday night (when I saw you) was the last showing here in Portland. You have moved on. I would pay $10 every day for the next 10 days to keep going back to see you in the theaters - yet you are gone.
And so I urge my readers - nay, BEG - to go see this film. Otherwise, my readers lives will be bored through with a gaping hole and emptiness that nothing else can fill. On Thursday morning, I was alive and happy - I thought. Today, I AM LIFE.
I don't even want to sully your name by simply thanking you, Planet B-Boy. Simple words such as those just wouldn't be enough. I shall simply say: I owe you. And if I follow this new path to glory that you have presented me (a big if), then MAYBE I can repay that debt . . .
About to do a Head-Stand,
CVT
Somewhat Relevant Question of the Post:
If you haven't seen the movie, what are you waiting for!???
